July 15, 2004

who ever said that once

Who ever said that once Addisons is diagnosed and treated you can live a long normal life must have been on crack. NORMAL??? Today was one of the most difficult days I have had in years. After being dumped by my husband during the worst time of my illness (I was sick for 8 years before diagnosis), I had given up on finding anyone that wouldn't mind all my baggage (Addisons). Just as I had given up I found love on line. So for the last 8 months we have spent every weekend together and then some. Things were fine untill 6 weeks ago when I started to feel worse. My brain fog started getting worse. My comprehension and memory were getting worse too. I was still sleeping 16 hours a day and barely able to function. I was having trouble with word retrieval. The bruising was starting to get bad again as were the panic attacks in traffic. I haven't had a period in 2 months. (That's not normal for me, tubes tied not pregnant).

My health was taking a turn for the worse and my Dr. wouldn't listen to me. I was put on a ADD medication that did not work. I was then put on an antidepressant that put me in a FOWL mood and did not seem to help any of my symptoms. My lab work came back in " NORMAL" range so I am sent on my merry way with no answers. I feel that my low T 3 #'s need to be higher. My Dr. disagrees. At any rate 6 weeks ago I broke it off with this guy because my kids don't like his kids and he was kinda pissy with me one night when I had to cancel my plans with him because I was starting to get pneumonia. So for the next 6 weeks my symptoms kept getting worse and so did my thought process.

The one thing with Addisons I have learned is to get rid of all stress in your life. If you have unresolved issues in your life resolve them. For us Addisonians stress will literally kill you. The issues I had with our relationship was addressed by him no problem. It was me that was having the problem. When I get sick like this I shut down. I was dealing with my kids being home 24 hours a day now (15 & 13), my poor health and a relationship. I couldnt do all 3 so something had to go and it was'nt going to be my kids. Today I had to tell lhim face to face that I didn't have the energy it takes to make a relationship work. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because I do love him. I am just so fatigued all the time that I ca'nt handle it.

I had a dentist appointment to go to after I told him it was over. My blood pressure was so high when I got there they put me on the short call list. When my blood pressue is up I loose it mentally. I can't think straight. I forgot how to get home. I almost passed out on the freeway. My right arm started to tingle. It was a horrible feeling. At any rate I am going to go for a walk to cool off. The heat is my worst (and Addisonians worst ) enemy. One of these days I hope to juggle all three, my health, my family and a loving relationship. When that day comes I will truly be happy. Untill then I am dying inside.

Posted by Angie Noah on July 15, 2004 08:46 PM