On Why I Feel Alone

The Mind Wants Memories, Therapists Want Money

The story of wanting something is ongoing: a walk down Park Av. or a strole in sunny side local summer baseball and ice cream stops. In the woods. The mind wants MEMORIES. Some make logical order for the therapist when you call them dreams. Say you were dreaming and all is fine. Say you were thinking! No, one must think money, not want the past anew. Money to pay the therapy. Everyone wants something. I want to stop in the woods a while -say for a million days.

Chaos and Disorder = Implanting the Mentally Ill?

What would happen if the bi-polar had an implanted chip linking his mood swings back to a central "protection" station which would inject by remote a serum to help? Would it prevent massive depression? It could be done within 5 or 20 years. Will it be done! What do you think? Is is a good idea that the mentally ill be chipped for THEIR protection -if such a notion were possible. -I know a future debate is a bit strange, but as we are about to clone humans these days, why not talk of this. Post in.

Million year old discoveries

Well after a day's reflection: I wonder "Why" I posted news which is several million years old? I was trying to say that science has yet so much to discover. Just last week news came out that for AIDS victims with late stage mental dementia it has now been shown that DOPAMINE levels might have a role to help improve the health of these victims. Each day as we breathe there is new hope for everyone and even a discovery of a million years ago MIGHT one day lead to some use!

Bipolar sea reptile

Well at least something interesting on the wires -- "Sept. 23 ( UPI) - Scientists have found the fossil of a long-necked sea reptile that preyed on fish and squid some 230 million years ago in seas off southeast China.."

Was it bipolar is yet to be answered!

Scared of the BBC news

The radio got the dog rushing under the bed. Then his nose, followed by his ears appeared again from under the shelter. He looked up at the speakers. It was the BBC news. One wonders what a dog thinks when he is 3 months and hears the news! Very cute is what we think; but it is also very sad to hear the news.

A pedigree dog with a transmitter chip

It has been a while. Good news to share now: Down by 10 cigarettes (from 20 daily), up to Swiss Germany to get a pedigree dog with a transmitter chip and all its shots -so that I get out and feel less alone and most of all so that I can have a friend about. Animals are so wonderful! Almost as charming as women one can love...but for this there seems to be not much to report as timidly I admire and never dare to talk to the women I see. Does anyone have a great pick up line for bi-polars?

Views of Geneva

Views of Geneva.

And there are the church bells and there is the Routine and tourists unaware that people living here actually walk past sites of interest without looking at them; like with any town one lives to hear about others and see others but not live in the town!
I am feeling less alone, I have a place called home.

To the caring comment placer: Thank you for all the warm words.

Town gossip

Views of Geneva.

What matters most here is the IMAGE one has and that is NOT what is meant by the look one has but by the
MONEY and the FRIENDS one might know.

I had the impression that I was in a perfect city for weeks.

Routine goes on and tourists pass unaware that people living here actually walk past sites of interest without looking at them; like with any town one lives to hear about others and see others but NOT live in the town really !

I am feeling less alone, I have a place called home where few actually know me -for me.

Always makes me smile!

I saw this bear the other day and really think that I have to go into the shop to get him.

He looks like a friend !!!

Oh the very idea of getting a stuffed bear!

A smile is what NOT being alone is all about to me.

3 things

3 things on my mind. 1) I have gained weight. 2) I am fat. 3) This must end.
That is all. Depression for 2 weeks non-stop. Trying not to go out. And if I do it is to get food. And then "sure I will walk" or "will diet" another day and sleeping the rest of the time. This mood swing is about being really alone.

I wonder can you cry

I wonder can you cry when you are on medication? Could one not stop it for a few days to laugh too?

No.

One just sits about reading and watching others.

Here: Depakin is what I take. 500 mg two times a day. Each day there is the google news site (news.google.com) and the bbc.com site that I spend time on.

(Feeling better than yesterday)

News and Peace

At 34 the life-long use of medication is on my mind. I drink water each day. About 2 liters more than most people and started about 8 years ago this mix of water and pills.

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Now that I have my own place I am missing peace. Peace might be good sleep for now. It is the middle of the night. Already the routine sounds of a European city are those of little motor bikes that deliver food in the evening and papers in the early morning. Of cleaning trucks that get started at 4:00 in the morning and russian escort girls going home in little groups as the sun rises over the town. I wonder how much the man on the motor bike makes. Is it about the same rate as the escort girl before she came to Geneva? Does it matter what people make -when they are just sounds in the street?

Home

For some reason I have decided NOT to agree to a message from the nice cute message which a 40 year old women wrote on my new dating box. She seems quite interested in going for a walk next Sunday afternoon with an American new in this town. Yet I would rather walk alone. What is my problem: all I can say now is: "...Sorry, no". The mood does swing in me as I type this out alone. ALONE, and lonely. Not able to admit to myself that the person I am turning down is me.

I am settled in a

I am settled in a small hotel with a set rent. Today the rain has set in. Early morning rain over Europe. I am trying to get a job in a new city.

It started to rain with a thunder clap at about three this morning. A Charming wake up call that came from the grand reception of the heavens where no doubt famous writers dwell to record for Our Maker the events of this world. Posting to the Divine Maker of Man the news of people that are alone in hotel rooms, and your lives too.

I have a chance to say a few things now as well today: I am trying to find a way to MOTIVATE myself with what I spoke of in the last post!! Yes to slow down on the cigarettes...and here is the trick to healthy living: I will smoke no more than ten between posts..so I record my health and keep down my risk of cancer as well.

Come to hell with Halliburton (in Iraq) as the pay's good!

"Come to hell with Halliburton" is the way that the left wing press calls out RIGHTLY as thirty-nine Halliburton workers have been killed in Iraq and two are unaccounted for to date.

America seems bipolar! One year we bomb the Serbs, the next we wish we never had as the heart of training grounds (other than in lands we now have attacked) is Bosnia!

We are as a nation not yet able to hit and destroy targets. So we destroy nations. We should think slowly. Then act fast and avoid the hell of workers from Halliburton.