January 06, 2005
sleep
I often wonder what depression has to do with sleep, or... what does sleep have to do with depression?
Most days in my life, I manage to get by with around 4 hours of sleep, with an occasional afternoon nap thrown in. I am always yawning, always on edge. I never manage to find time for sleep, I am like a toddler refusing to sleep for fear of "missing out". In the same breath, it sounds like if I have all this time in a day, 20 hours or so, I should have everything done.. every thing around me should be spotless, all the laundry should be caught up. Not so. My thoughts and actions are continually scattered. I find something new to start every few minutes or so. I find this in my writings, also. Always starting with one topic and swirling through a million other things in random..nothing necessarily falling in any order. I am like this in my workplace also. I always find myself clock watching, thinking to myself.. I have plenty of time to finish this.. then running out of time. My house at this very moment looks like a bomb went off in here, each space has something in it that doesn't belong. (reminds me of the old Sesame Street song, "One of these things are not like the other...one of these things just doesn't belong")
On the other hand, yesterday I came home around 3pm. I had a bite to eat, had a visit with Billy, then fell asleep on the couch. I slept until 5pm..got up and made dinner. I fell asleep again, this time until around 8pm, was awake for about 15 minutes, then back to sleep until 10pm. I managed to stay awake for about half an hour this time. Back to bed again, this time until 5am. So in a 12 hour period, I was awake for approximately one hour and 45 minutes. There is a definate link to my sleep patterns and the seasons. I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) as well as the depression and Bipolar. Am I hibernating? Is this some form of linking back to cavedwelling days? Sleep is a great way to not have to deal with things, like cold, hunger, life.
Posted by hellonwhls on January 6, 2005 01:36 AM
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