July 30, 2004

Fibromyalgia and Depression: The Chicken or the Egg.

One element of my life with FMS is that I have now been dx'd with a 'major depressive disorder', along with 'anxiety disorder'. I was asked about depression and anxiety in my life pre FMS when examined by: my internist, my d.o., my rheum #1,2 &3, the 4 insurance company field representatives, the psychologist, psychiatrist and whore rhuemy of the ins co for 'independent exams' and now the psychiatrist that the insurance company is making me see.

I was probably depressed when I divorced at 26 for awhile to a degree. I was probably depressed when my grandparents and my dearest uncle died. I know I was depressed when my dog had to be put down & after (I stayed with her : ( ) BUT NO I WAS NOT EVER DEPRESSED IN THE LEAST BEFORE FMS TOOK MY LIFE FROM ME.

I have always been a 'the glass is half full and the waiter is coming' kinda optimist. I always was goal oriented and pursued excellence. I was a professional, a CPA partner who for the first time in 1995 brought in over 1/2 of the gross receipts of the office, as planned I was surpassing my father to allow him to stay and work on the cream of the crop and his field of expertise while I took over the general accounting and tax practice. In 1996 I also surpassed his gross receipts. I was well on the way to my short term and long term goals for my career, my place in community civic affairs and charitable works. I thrived on success, I loved it. Yes the hours were hellacious and yes I believe the good and bad stressors from the job led to my sleep disorder over time. And that nasty sleep disorder is what brought me to the floor in a TKO on 1/17/97 with FMS.

So I WAS NOT DEPRESSED BEFORE FMS. When I had to live in my crazy body trying to work and only making it about 1/3 of the time, and I'd have another panic attack and when I felt I couldn't breathe and when I'd show up at my dr without an appt and he strapped a heart monitor on me and continued testing and excluding.........when I finally got a wee bit of sleep, the torential currents of pain washed over me for several days, like my nerves were wakened by the little bit of rest.......when I had to live in pain and fatigue and with continued uncontrollable high blood pressure.....when the doc said I needed to quit working or I wouldn't start to get better.....when I gave up my desk, the office I designed, my clients, my professional persona, my partnership with my dad........when my life consisted solely of trying to sleep, pain, fatigue, dr appts, using my short energy for dinner & evening with my daughter then crashing to bed myself once she was tucked in.........when, actually after all of these things aka the loss of life as I knew it and taking on a new life with major limitations and pitfalls, then and only then did I become 'depressed'.

I think SSA and insurance companies alike try to use the 'you were depressed first' so they can classify the patients' illnesses as psychiatric which generally the benefits for are much less than a physical disability. I was dx'ed with the physical disability of FMS, qualified for benefits for private insurance in 12/97 and SSA about a year later (with 45 days because my dr's report was complete and thorough as was her exam, per the SSA agent), and have continued treatment by a rhuematologist for FMS. I have seen a counselor when I felt I needed help getting a handle on changes or issues. Then this summer after the ins co 'independent exams' they found I was mildly depressed, and don't have fms. This way they can say that a psychiatrist should be able to cure me in a few months. Do I feel threatened?? heck yeah! They're trying to make an end run aruond paying my benefits. But my new psychiatrist accepts that I have FMS and finds I have the 'major depressive' disorder and is reporting the same to the ins. co. One kicker in my situation is that my disability policy doesn't have the usual 2 year limit on psychiatric benefits, I could be nuts forever and get paid.....but I think that if I don't get better on their schedule they're going to cancel my benefits.........and yes I have a 'bad faith insurance claim' atty in the wings already fully informed.

So did the pain come before or after I went nuts????? I have chronic pain, I lost my life and most of my social contacts, .......then somewhere between 1/17/97 and today, I musta gone nuts!

Good night all,
The FMS Nutjob, Judy : )

Posted by on July 30, 2004 07:22 AM

Posted by: Anonymous at July 30, 2004 06:33 PM

Posted by: Lis at August 13, 2004 07:39 PM

Posted by: Judy in AZ at December 31, 2004 01:06 AM

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