August 11, 2004
High Anxiety.........
That pretty much sums it up, TIRED! All day Sunday and much of Monday was spent with my mom. Bless her heart she was having a really hard time of her separation from my dad after 42 years of marriage; she was still hopeful he'd turn around and say I'm sorry for demeaning you and not respecting you and for having what he calls a 'friendship' with a younger married woman whom he's take under wing. Well we're not sure that's the only way he's taken her. He made 60 cell phone calls, cell so it was secret but Mom happened to look at that bill, to this woman in a month...including on Mom's bday, anniversary and Valentines day, when he didn't call mom at all since December and didn't do anything for the above occasions.
Mom asked him to go to counseling, he refused, she asked for a separation. He now is buying a house and wants her to sign a waiver that it's his 'separate property'....AZ is a community property state....so NO WAY! He's been sweetie sweet the last week or so as this paperwork was being prepared. When she said she's having her 'advisor' look it over, he flipped back to his old abusive cruel self and threatened that if she doesn't take care of this he'll be very angry.......oh well. This outburst just confirmed that she's on the right path and took away her doubts and feelings of deep loss. She's filing for divorce today, and he can be mad when he gets served.
Anyway, Mom (61) has me (41) & my self centered sister (40) in town along with a great counselor and good friends, and her sister Michaele (50) is in Arkansas, our home state. Since my sister is so self centered, she is not a good support for Mom when Mom is in crisis. And I practiced as a CPA consulting on divorce cases, prior to my disability, so I'm the one helping Mom to prepare for the atty.
She called me at 9;30 Sunday am and was hysterically crying. Of course I jumped and ran to her (well drove) side and stayed with her til 7pm. Sooooo tiring, but I'd never let her down. Then yesterday, lunch with Mom having renewed strength, and phone calls after his outburst and prepping for the atty.........Sooooooo tiring. I'm driving her to the atty this am (she could drive herself but this is hard,I remember my divorce and her supporting me).
Luckily my husband understands when I give my all to my mom and come home and crash and he's kinda on his own while I recover.
Anyone who prays, please pray for Mom as she goes through this. And me too!
Thanks,
Hugs, Judy
Posted by on August 11, 2004 02:30 PM
Thanks Heather,Ooooooooh some warm chocolate pudding sounds good now!I try to choose also, only having the AVON slimwell snack bars available, but if my dh has cookies in the house...well they go faster than he planned. Glad to know I'm not the only night time forager!Hugs, JudyPS And yes I am seeing a counselor weekly.....I'll mention this to her tomorrow...
Posted by: Judy in AZ at August 12, 2004 12:45 PM
Hey Judy,I dont get up to eat I find that I jsut graze all day. I find myself eating even when I am not hungry. I have to be more conscious of it now because I have coeliac disese ( gluten allergy ) and I find myself with food in my mouth that could potentially make me very sick. I try to regulat the types of foods that I graze on to!!! I tend to have a lot of no fat fruit yoghurt in the fridge or fat free flavoured rice crackers. It can be hard to resist the sweet things though.I got to the point with my subconscious eating that when I realised I was doing it I would make myself spit the food out and put the rest in the bin. I did not make myself sick though just spat out what was in my mouth. Then I would brush my teeth. Not only did I not want to eat because I had clean teeth but toothpast makes sweet food taste terrible!!!!!Hope this helps someKylie
Posted by: Possum at August 14, 2004 04:51 AM
DATE: 8/12/2004 01:40:22 AM
Judy,Oh yes, I do this one myself. I've tried just not eating when I feel this, but the anxiety just multiplies. I've found something that works for me...don't fight it. I don't fight the feeling to eat for comfort, but I do choose which comfort foods to eat. I get a tall glass of ice water, and grab my bag of carrots. Carrots are great because of the crunch, and they are sort of sweet too. Another one I use is warm sugar free chocolate pudding. mmmmmmm....chocolate pudding. I have some snacks ready in plastic bags for when I need to comfort eat. That is how I deal with it, but I also find a counselor to talk to about it, or a good friend. Hugs, Heather
Posted by: HeatherLeigh at December 31, 2004 01:06 AM
DATE: 8/14/2004 02:11:14 PM
Hi Possum,Thanks for your note.I saw my counselor yesterday and she forbade the cookies, which are now all gone thx to my night raids.And she suggested that if I get up to eat, i only have a lowfat yogurt or a snack bar...choose to exercise this control over myself. She also suggested it's crazy for me to give up the Ativan during the day with all that's going on, so back to it and trying to rule my semiconscious eating habits.I'll check in later and see what's nw with you, my friend.Hugs, Judy
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TITLE: Tired, tired, tired.........
AUTHOR: Judy in AZ
DATE: 8/10/2004 06:37:39 AM
Posted by: Judy in AZ at December 31, 2004 01:06 AM
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