August 17, 2004
Not a good day to quit Paxil..........
Aren't these kids beautiful?? They are My Jennifer 17 (xmas 2003) and her brothers, Brandon 11, Chad 9 & Austin 12........they were on a cruise courtesy of her paternal gmother. (They lost their dad in 1997 to a stroke at age 37,he was in perfect health). Actually the boys are from Jen's Dad's 2nd marriage and so technically half.....but we never ever thought that..they are her brothers! She's managed to go visit them in Rochester NY (we're in AZ) each summer since losing her dad. This summer though we heard back in April that their Mom, Kelly, was bringing them to AZ to visit her parents and there'd be plenty of time for Jen to visit with them. I told Jen that I wanted to see them, if only to give hugs and take a few pics of them together, she knows I love the boys; I told her I'd be heartbroken if I didn't get to see them.
Yesterday was her day with them, I called her at 11am, 12noon, 1pm.......finally at 2:30 she answers the phone and says the boys are with her. They are at the pool at Jen's apt. They are probably leaving in a few minutes to go eat. BTW Kelly & Aunt Becky (paternal aunt) are there too. I was soooooooooo excited about Jen being with the boys, I was soooooooooo looking forward to seeing them together with Jen.........if she'd only answered one of the earlier calls maybe I could have pulled myself together to go over.
I have nothing against Kelly or Becky, I just absolutely froze in my tracks and tears started running when I heard they were there and they were calling the shots and about to take off to eat, so I had a tiny window, Jen hadn't cared to talk to me earlier, and I was not up to dealing with other grown ups by this time. I had a complete meltdown, donkey noise crying, hyperventilating, soooooooooooooo sad, still soooo sad. I have been in bed off & on, Mostly in bed, for the past 29 hours. I have no will to do anything. I am so hurt, I don't want to care anymore, I don't even want to be anymore. My dh responded with 'you can't do this to yourself, go take an ativan'........so supportive (NOT). So now I'm a total mess, and totally out of it, and didn't get to see them. Jen took some pictures she said, but her camera's not ready to develop yet. She came by and hugged me today and got some more stuff, but I didn't even feel it. And I can't lash out at her, because she too got screwed into only 5 hours with her brothers and she had to say goodbye to them yesterday, so hard. So I stuck to feeling nothing. Nothing.
Posted by on August 17, 2004 04:35 AM
We've spoken about this before, and yes, it is torturous! I myself have gotten over the hump. Still without Paxil, but not nearly as depressed as I was. I'm glad you're doing better! I read your post before hand, I hope everything there is okay. Take care!Hugs,Heather
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TITLE: They're soo beautiful..........I'm sooo sad..........
AUTHOR: Judy in AZ
DATE: 8/15/2004 06:46:34 PM
Posted by: HeatherLeigh at August 17, 2004 05:32 PM