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October 05, 2004

Parenting with Fibromyalgia: Can I still be a role model?

I've raised my 18 year old daughter from a pup. When she was 2 her father and I divorced, and Jen and I moved back in with my parents. I had a college degree in accounting and was a Certified Public Accountant. I worked long and hard several long pushes of the year, luckily my mom had a pretty much 8-5 job and always there to p/u Jen from the sitter, then preschool & KG, then afterschool at her elementary school. I remember at the time, I often felt as if I was unable to do either job, CPA or MOM, to the best because of obligations of the other. There also were times that I knew that I was setting a positive role model for Jennifer, not the crazy deadline hours, but the business woman Mom. She was proud of me and she told me that a couple of times.

Well, she was in 5th grade when I was overtaken by FMS. I never let her see how sick I was during that time. I'd nap and Mom would distract her, or I'd save myself for the evening hours with her and crash after she went to bed. I did tell her that I was sick and the symptoms of pain, fatigue and she knew I didn't sleep well at all. And I reassured her that I had the best of doctors and would work on getting well. My Jen knew me before FMS, a professional business owner & involved volunteer in community service, and SuperMom. And my Jen saw my life change, as I tried to keep hers on even keel, when I got FMS, when I was dx'd with FMS and when I had to quit working due to FMS. She grew up from 11-18 with a very different Mom than before FMS.
I still believe that because I continued parenting actively and she lived through both of my lives, that she respected me and I was setting the best example I could.

Well now my dh and I have our miracle son, Garrett, with us. He's been here almost a month. We had no knowledge of Garrett's whereabouts or life until the last week of August and on 9/1 he arrived in AZ from WA. Because he was neglected and abused and juvenile diabetic from age 5 and suffered complications causing a few hospitalizations during the past 2 years, he at 18 still has 2 years of HS to complete. He's taking 2 Lang Arts classes, Jr & Sr, and Jr American History and Sr Government classes in addition to easy science and math classes. We found out today that he's having trouble completing work in class and that may be an issue of a learning disability or patterns from his battered life. Either way, we talked today and I am going to tutor him and help him with his studies each day for an hour. My dh explained to Garrett that even though I'm a homebody now and have FMS, which we've covered lightly with him, that I have a college degree and was a professional business owner & consultant and that I'm definitely qualified to help him stay current with his work.

For the first time out loud, I asked. "I know I was a positive role model for Jen when I was working and she remembers that, but you (Garrett) didn't know me then. I wonder if I can still be a 'role model' . I got resounding yes's from my dh and Garrett.

But I still wonder. When I end up in bed for a day or pace myself.....does he think I'm lazy? does he think I'm like his mother who would sleep off a drunk or drugs ? How do my dh and I encourage education and employment while we are both on disability. I don't know but it feels a little 'empty' to me. Maybe I'm feeling guilty for having this disease and for having to stop work and for not being who I used to be. And.. guilt is an emotion that I'd rather not feel. I will be the best me that I can be and help my family to be the best they can, and that's the example I'll set. Do your best at whatever you choose to pursue.

Posted by at 03:36 AM | Comments (6)