Main » February 2005

February 15, 2005

Being a Pleaser feeds Fibromyalgia pain fatigue & depression

Hi y'all,

Taking care of me first, before my daughter, before my ex, before my husband now, has always been a challenge to me. i'm a pleaser and care-giver.

Lately I feel enough more depressed and exhausted that I just need to take some time for me and rest and hopefully walk on that treadmill of mine and take care of me.

I've been running ragged for weeks packed with doc appts and other stuff (getting the truck fixed after the accident and since the gal who hit has no ins I got to pay the $500 deductible plus extra rental fees and ins. (I didn't get the ins once and ripped the right side mirror OFF..not a pleasant thing to deal with!))

And Mom is back to 'sad' over her divorce of the creep after 42 years. I think it's due to them meeting w/ attys for the first time, recently, to try and reach a settlement. Dad was an ass. The attorneys are now negotiating. Mom is scared about her financial security and I understand. And she's lonely even though she's getting out and going to the retiree's luncheons monthly where she used to work, and monthly saturday luncheons of a bunch of dear old friends from Church groups when I was just a kid. And she does lunch occasionally with one friend or another. I spend at least 1 day a week with her just doing girl stuff, sometimes including my nap! And I talk to her every day and it's really hard sometimes when she's upset, when I can't go down and be with her. (then again, if she's crying I'll drop things here and go be with her, she's the best mom in the world!) I'm so proud of her putting her foot down when he kept stomping on her heart, and her getting out and about and not becoming a recluse.

On becoming a recluse, that's the way I feel right now, I would like to go to bed and hibernate with good sleep clear thru til whenever.
But, i love my family so much, they keep me from hibernating more than a day or so, and make sure I'm fed.

This journal is helpful for me, I believe it is therapeutic as well as a forum for sharing what life is like for me. So I'll keep this up, though I'm backing off of some other 'groups'. I just don't have it to give now. I hope people understand.

Hugs and Blessings, Judy

Posted by at 6:03 AM | Comments (1)

February 14, 2005

Fibromyalgia requires I 'space and pace' or FLARE

Hi y'all :)

Did I say it was important to Space and Pace before???

Well the Ron White concert was enjoyable, parking was ok, the crowd was difficult to maneuver thru, and had to walk a city block plus to/from garage. Today my shoulders are killing me, as are my upper arms, elbows and wrists. This I think from carrying my purse, then my purse and 2 bottles of soda and being tense in the crowd.

Would love to blow off the chiro/holistic doc appt at 3, but he'll ease this PAIN so I'll go. Don't know how I'll shower and dress though cause I'm beat. We go 3x a week, with the boys (husband Frank & son Garrett) being treated for about an hour and me just under 10 min. I wish I could lie down for that extra 50min but nooo.

Then too the doc is at 3 because Garrett gets home from school at 2:30 and has to go to night school by 6pm, sometimes he ends up dining in the car on his Subway sandwich. Frank picks G up at school at 8:30, and I'm so beat by 10ish. This 3 x a week is too much for me, yet I need it. It's helped reduce my overal pain and has given me, actual, Pain FREE time, even just a few hours, after treatment.

And, I hate to complain, Frank's needs due to his stroke and diabetes, at around 8 I help him put a brace on his left arm to help keep tendons extended for OT. And at 10pm I give him a shot of Lantus insulin. Sometimes during the day I'll do the shot of Novalog. And he likes pb&J on Zesta saltines at bedtime, so he won't go low, so I make them anytime between 9 & 12.

And we just seem to have too many irons in the fire for me to pace myself. We just got our truck back from the body shop. Since the lady that rear ended Frank didn't have insurance I had to pay the $500 deduct and $4/day for rental and the extra ins adding up to almost $300. ARGGGGGGHHH. Was not prepared for these expenses or the hassle.
Thank God, family bdays are over until April. The house is clean, and I intend to take comfort in that and get a NAP sometime today!!!

All because I forgot to space my activities apart and pace myself!!!

Hugs and Blessings, Judy

My mom is still in the divorce cyclone and is really concerned about the outcome now that a settlement conf was held and now the attys are negotiating. Bless her heart she deserves none of this. Knowing I wouldn't get to see her today, I went down yesterday and took a Valentine gift, the cards I made myself on printmaster and mailed. And took her to lunch and back to her place to watch the Notebook....highly recommend it, and have tissues handy at the end. I won't say if it's tears of joy or sorrow, just have the tissues handy. Anyway I stayed there til 9 last night and my Jen got home there 'round 7:30 & I got to give her her V day presents in person too. Now that we don't live together she's back in my lap and I get more lovin'. Unfortunately, now that she lives with Mom, the above is reversed in her case. I guess teens just growl at who ever they live with.

Posted by at 12:27 PM | Comments (0)

February 12, 2005

Stepping Out in spite of Fibromyalgia

Well tonight Frank and I are steppin' out...to see comedian Ron White at a Phoenix theatre. It was my big Christmas gift to Frank. It seemed to take forever to get here and now here it is.

I had a stress meltdown Thurs. and ended up back in bed from 3pm -9pm. We needed some paperwork I couldn't find and then some other stuff came up and I just hit the edge when the paperwork was neatly folded on Frank's dresser when he'd assured/then sort of accused me of having the paperwork...so of course I hadn't looked at his dresser. I took my anti anxiety med and a muscle relaxor and went to BED. At 9 I was in more of my right mind and rejoined the family. I wonder if this scares Garrett. Frank has learned that if I get this way and go to bed it's much better than me being with the family feeling this way because I'll go off on one of them and that's not like me, but it happens when I hit the edge.

I'm already having anxiety about parking and the crowd as the event is downtown and a big hulla-baloo. And did I mention it's raining. We've had more rain this year....I think we're over the records. Trying to think of something appropriate to wear, dressy casual, and is it clean?

I'm sure we'll get there and the show will be fun. I just need to let go of the stress about the other stuff. I wish they had valet parking, that would make it so much easier on Frank and I, neither of us can go too far with our health issues (he had a stroke in 1999 and has left side weakness...tho he's only 43 now).

Oh well, back to bed for me, I'll take it easy today and then get geared up for the show.

BTW the Chiropractor/Holistic doctor I've been seeing since my hip got beyond excruciating, somewhere in Nov??, is still helping. I have a lower level of overall pain and some pain free time (a few hours) after treatment. I'm so grateful. And the psych changing up the meds &/or the C/H doc's treatments are improving my sleep some. So Grateful.

Hugs and Blessings, Judy

Posted by at 8:30 AM | Comments (1)