April 04, 2005
Fibromyalgia Depression has me sooo Lonely
My daughter Jennifer turned 19 Saturday. Maybe she'll always remember that Pope John Paul II died on her 19th. I will.
We went out to lunch, just girls, Mom, my sis Lisa, best friend Tina, Jen and I.
I got up and dressed in a cute top and the 'better' black jeans, did my hair and makeup.....a rare treat.
Jen had asked for confetti cupcakes with confetti icing for her bday 'cake'. I told my mom that I wanted to do that part for Jen so I bought the mix and icing at the store, and could barely stand when I got home. When I did get up I realized I didn't have any cupcake wrappers..crap!
So I made a bundt cake of it and took it over.
At lunch Jen got a complimentary deep dish apple pie ala mode which we all nibbled on. Then Tina went her way, Lisa to her puppy training class, & Jen Mom & I to Mom's. Jen got on the phone right away making her plans to go shopping with a friend, which fell through, and to go out to a miniature golf place with a few friends that night. Since her gf couldn't go shopping, she asked Mom and I if we wanted to go to Ross and find her a spring purse.....I wasn't up for that. So Mom went with Jen and I left....and the cake I made was left sitting there covered.
I'd had a hard time the night before thinking of her being 19, of the losses I've suffered from my illness, and that her dad has been gone for 5 years. Sunday, was worse. I got up late, ate a diet meal bar and watched the end of a movie with my stepson and then went back to bed. I awoke around 4 and heard my husband and stepson in the living room watching some wrestling thing and bonding so I stayed in bed and watched sitcoms and reviewed bills received this week. Another meal bar, another hour or two, and I went to bed at 8pm. Tears trickled down my face. I can't pin it on just Jen's bday. I'm overwhelmed with several things these days.
I feel so alone, even in a house with my beloved husband and stepson, even with my mom and daughter and sister just a phone call or 20min away. I prayed the Rosary and prayed and prayed....that eased the emptiness.
I still feel alone.
Posted by on April 4, 2005 04:51 AM
i am on pins and needles waiting for your daily reports on Cymbalta. I just started taking it two weeks ago and haven't noticed any change yet. I didn't have to wean off of Zoloft before I started it. I am weaning off of Zoloft while starting the Cymbalta. This is a god send since I had to wean off of Anafranil before I could take Zoloft and man oh man was I miserable and I KNOW you understand. Love
Posted by: Diana at July 3, 2005 01:30 PM