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May 31, 2005

Graduation and then the FLARE

Well, like I said I was feeling better overall on the 25th. And a good thing too. I was hurting from the cleaning on Graduation day, but pushed it aside and enjoyed the ceremony & the family back at the house.

Then the PAIN screamed from every cell in my body from grad night up through Sunday (so 3 full days). So pain meds were taken more frequently and then yesterday I had to take a stool softener and ended up running to the bathroom regularly- pun intended.

Today, awww today, I feel me inside my head, in spite of still not sleeping until the wee hours of the morning (3 - 6)? I didn't rise early, but early enough and was not in excruciating pain, and felt like I was back inside my head.

I even dressed and got out, to take Garrett & friend to the mall to hang & get job applications, and with Frank to the neurologist and an impromptu stop at the pharmacy. I was doing ok.

Then there was a car near ours with the engine & A/C running for the 2 small dogs inside. One of the dogs popped its head up and it was a smaller lighter version of our beloved Honey Bun's face after the rain, crinkle curls around her head. I started crying silently, feeling the loss from 2 years ago and the guilt that plagues me whether I should have noticed changes in her behavior sooner, whether I had neglected her by letting her lie & sleep & bask in the early spring sun. We played with and pet and gave treats and she kenneled at night and for dinner like she had for her whole life (13 years+). I should have noticed something wrong, I should have spent more time with her, I should have....... and it comes down to there was nothing we could do when she took her turn for the worse suddenly and there is nothing I can do now. Just tell the story one more time, as we women need to do sometimes, and cry one more time. And I'll pick up and go from there.

Now I'm about to pay bills (yuck!) but wanted to check in here and give an update. I didn't intend to tell the dog story, but I guess I needed to tell it again.

I am heartened by the substantial improvement in my pain level and in feeling more me. I think that perhaps now the flare has passed and the med change has adjusted, I'll just need a couple more dayd to get back to sleeping 4-5 hours continuously, during the night, falling asleep at a reasonable hour.

So I hope for and expect more healing this week, esp. since in one week, we leave for Maine for my step-daughter's HS graduation (we'll be there 11 days staying with the other daughter). I don't want to be a wreck. I don't want to FLARE from travel on top of other stuff. So I'm keeping it low key this week...

Hugs and Blessings, Judy :)

Posted by at 05:02 PM | Comments (1)

May 25, 2005

Cymbalta 60mg, 1 1/2 weeks in, Feeling Me Again

Wow, it is such a relief to be able to say that I feel like me again!

The 8 week torture of quitting Paxil and THEN starting Cymbalta at 30mg for 2 weeks and then 60mg. Finally with the 60mg I started feeling more like me, and it's stayed that way for several days...I think I'm on the upswing! I also do have more energy, perhaps from the ephedrine part of the med.

It's good I have the energy as my stepson Garrett is graduating HS on Thurs. 26th at a huge auditorium in Sun City, and then we are having the family over to our home for 'Cake and a Photo Op with the Grad'....so some cleaning that just has to be done every couple of months or which it's just time for, ALL has to be done before Thurs. afternoon. I swept and mopped yesterday and that's why I'm up at this hour (6 something am), as the fibromyalgia has my shoulder and leg muscles SCREAMING at me for doing the mopping. Today dusting, clutter-outing, and kitchen countertops cleaning including moving everything (I keep the counters clean, but I don't move appliances but every couple of months). Thank God my husband Frank and Garrett are very helpful around the house. In fact Garrett does the vaccuuming now since neither Frank or I can do it without ending up in bed with a strained back after. Nothing that heavy today, so should finish up my part and then start preparing for the party (balloons, cake already ordered) yada, yada... We are really proud of Garrett, he's worked very hard to finish not only his day school full schedule but also 3 outside courses to meet graduation requirements.

God timed my 8 week bedridden med change just right between my Jen's bday and Garrett's graduation. I'm so glad I'll be 'up' for this now.

Thinking Cymbalta's a good thing.......ask your doc if you are on an antidepressant that doesn't seem to be effective.

Posted by at 06:48 AM | Comments (0)

May 23, 2005

Cymbalta seems to be helping the body...

I can understand the empty feeling of my sweet friend Heaven's Daughter.
I have been going through antidepressant withdrawal and switch for the past 8 weeks, and just the last 2 days I feel ok to be up. But I'm empty inside...my head is empty, I've been bedridden for about 6 weeks, I don't have any knowledge or input for a conversation. My gut feels empty..I can't explain,.. it just doesn't feel right. And the worst, my heart feels empty. The depression that hit and had me bedridden along with the pain and fatigue had me suicidal, questioning my worth, and now I have no idea what I am worth or what I am to do next. I can't even really talk to my husband other than household stuff (and not much of that). I have nothing inside of me. Usually I'm full of love and positivity....I can't find it. So I understand for now. Let's Pray for the Lord to refill us with His Love...that's the only thing I think can help.
Hugs and Blessings, Judy

Posted by at 12:53 AM | Comments (0)

May 18, 2005

Still Adjusting to Cymbalta instead of Paxil

Well, I may have spoken too soon. I was told to wean off the Paxil over 5 weeks from 50mg to 0mg 10mg per week. As I wrote, the last couple of weeks were HELL ON WHEELS! I was bedridden for the most part.

I thought, hey I can do 5 weeks, I've done longer than that trying to get better. But i didn't count on the time it would take for Cymbalta to be effective for me. So 5 weeks off Paxil, and now 2 weeks on Cymbalta 30mg. The 3rd & 4th days I felt like me inside again, mostly. Then it was crash again. And so the doc upped the dosage to 60 mg and I've been taking that for 5 days now. started last Friday, and Monday I felt more like me, and now it's not as bad of a crash, but I'm still down, wayyyy down, anxious, depressed, in pain, & not sleeping. If this lasts the week, I'm calling for another increase. I signed on for 5 weeks of 'not feeling good' and this is my 8th week of hell from changing meds and I'm just about to give up. It's so hard. I feel so bad. I don't whine, but every evening I've snapped at my husband for really no reason other than I'm agitated. (Well he is a man, so he should bear some of the blame!)

Back to bed with me now.......just wanted to post, and say why I haven't been posting.

Hugs and Blessings, Judy

Posted by at 09:08 AM | Comments (37)