May 31, 2005
Graduation and then the FLARE
Well, like I said I was feeling better overall on the 25th. And a good thing too. I was hurting from the cleaning on Graduation day, but pushed it aside and enjoyed the ceremony & the family back at the house.
Then the PAIN screamed from every cell in my body from grad night up through Sunday (so 3 full days). So pain meds were taken more frequently and then yesterday I had to take a stool softener and ended up running to the bathroom regularly- pun intended.
Today, awww today, I feel me inside my head, in spite of still not sleeping until the wee hours of the morning (3 - 6)? I didn't rise early, but early enough and was not in excruciating pain, and felt like I was back inside my head.
I even dressed and got out, to take Garrett & friend to the mall to hang & get job applications, and with Frank to the neurologist and an impromptu stop at the pharmacy. I was doing ok.
Then there was a car near ours with the engine & A/C running for the 2 small dogs inside. One of the dogs popped its head up and it was a smaller lighter version of our beloved Honey Bun's face after the rain, crinkle curls around her head. I started crying silently, feeling the loss from 2 years ago and the guilt that plagues me whether I should have noticed changes in her behavior sooner, whether I had neglected her by letting her lie & sleep & bask in the early spring sun. We played with and pet and gave treats and she kenneled at night and for dinner like she had for her whole life (13 years+). I should have noticed something wrong, I should have spent more time with her, I should have....... and it comes down to there was nothing we could do when she took her turn for the worse suddenly and there is nothing I can do now. Just tell the story one more time, as we women need to do sometimes, and cry one more time. And I'll pick up and go from there.
Now I'm about to pay bills (yuck!) but wanted to check in here and give an update. I didn't intend to tell the dog story, but I guess I needed to tell it again.
I am heartened by the substantial improvement in my pain level and in feeling more me. I think that perhaps now the flare has passed and the med change has adjusted, I'll just need a couple more dayd to get back to sleeping 4-5 hours continuously, during the night, falling asleep at a reasonable hour.
So I hope for and expect more healing this week, esp. since in one week, we leave for Maine for my step-daughter's HS graduation (we'll be there 11 days staying with the other daughter). I don't want to be a wreck. I don't want to FLARE from travel on top of other stuff. So I'm keeping it low key this week...
Hugs and Blessings, Judy :)
Posted by on May 31, 2005 5:02 PM
I have read some of your diary with great interest. I also have fibromyalgia and currently I am "discussing" with my insurance company about the coverage of cymbalta. I am wondering if you are still using it and if so, how it worked for you. Thank you so much!
Posted by: Tina at June 4, 2006 12:08 PM