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June 30, 2005

Cymbalta reduces Fatigue, but may cause Agitation

Hi all :)

Well, since I've been home, I've been to the doc and I told him that I've been getting agitated in a snap then it's over and that's not like me. If I got agitated before I'd play it out slamming doors and the like.

He said that since I've been on the 60mg of Cymbalta for only a month and 11 days of that was on a trip, which is stressful enough, the Cymbalta 60mg hasn't had a fair test. Also he said "I'm hesitant to increase your dosage of Cymbalta because it could increase the agitation factor". Oh really, didn't see that in the side effects list. Hmmm. So he has me taking 100 mg Neurontin am, lunch, dinner, along with .5 Klonopin in the am to try to relax me and quit the agitation (and the random frequent tears).

Frank and I fought in Maine, well he snapped, then I snapped, then he snapped back. It wasn't fun, and it wasn't 'us'. I know now it was the stress on him of trying to be with his kids and me being agitated, perhaps due to the Cymbalta. Anyway, I'm so very glad we've made peace and gotten over that stuff.

Since Garrett decided to stay in Maine for the summer, we have the empty nest to ourselves. We're enjoying the lack of kid stress, though we still have it from afar and we're still dealing with the grief of leaving the kids to come back home.

And again I say that I fix my wallowing by editing and printing my digital pics and creating our album and mini albums for the girls, which we mailed to them yesterday. It's busy work and immerses me in the memories of the time with the kids.

Now that I'm done with the photo albums, I may not know what to do with myself, though there is cleaning to do, dusting mainly. Living in AZ even without open doors or windows, we tend to be dusty. Must dust weekly.

NEEDED to get into my counselor and when I called last week her first appt was 7/8...heck, I'll forget my issues by then! But now my mom has a cold/flu bug :( , and I may take her slot tomorrow a.m. I'm supposed to be seeing the counselor regularly to be 'trying to recover' for the d*mn insurance company. Plus I can use it. Somehow, the right stuff always bubbles up and Karen, the counselor, always seems to help.

Still very tired from the trip, though the Cymbalta does keep me from wanting naps. So when I'm exhausted and didn't sleep well, I sleep in or go back to sleep after taking all meds BUT the Cymbalta.

Going to try to attach a photo of Frank and I. One of 3 that we've ever had taken.

Hugs and Blessings, Judy

Posted by at 10:12 AM | Comments (42)

June 29, 2005

Fibromyalgia and Travel need special care

Wow, first off I have to admit to doing something that I never have before and was almost too ashamed to do..... at the airports from curbside check-in to the plane & out to baggage pickup, I requested a wheelchair for me as well as for my Frank. I decided that looks from strangers didn't mean as much to me as me avoiding SEVERE PAIN from walking through the terminal to the gates. (Frank had a stroke and has left side weakness and we usually use a cane; this year he got a wheelchair too because walking kicks in his digestive track which is medicated to make it work and lets just say he needed and made it to fewer bathrooms urgently this way.) And then Frank's son Garrett, 19, just had to keep up with the wheelchair attendants and they really move! It made all the difference, I could handle the flight and the 3 hour drive then without being in the SEVERE PAIN walking that far would cause for me now. And I have to admit, that now that I'm home, I'm reminded that for every day you go out of town and 'overdo' even when you try not to, Fibromyalgia hits hard with fatigue and pain back home. It's been 10 days since we went to Maine and I'm still paying! But it was worth it!!!

We stayed with my stepdaughter in her trailer as planned for 2 nights/3days, then I checked us into the cute motel we usually stay in. The master bedroom was to be our sanctuary and have its own bathroom because of Frank's digestive 'urgencies'; the door to the bathroom didn't even open, the plumbing wasn't hooked up. Strike 1. The one other bathroom in the hall for 5 adults, and 2 potty training kids DID NOT FLUSH AT ALL! The first day an excuse was made and it was cleared a time or two. After that we were told we just needed more time for the tank to fill...nope, no flushing. Then they realized that when they recently moved the trailer to this spot 'stuff' got in the 'lines' and was blocking/backing up the toilet. Everyone had to go on everyone else's discharge===gross. Strike 2. And we were staying with the stepdaughter (raised from 1 and treated as his own), and the biological daughter who was graduating whom we wanted to be sure and get the most visiting in we could, didn't like that we were staying with her sister and the two of them got into a pissing contest/catfight and poor Frank was in the middle, because we were not staying in neutral ground. Strike 3.

So on the 3rd day, I took the rental (free upgrade to Ford Explorer, all they had, yippee!) and was going into town to use a bathroom, and the motel didn't have a 'No Vacancy' sign up. So I pulled in, put down my emergency $ from my mom who is the best mom in the world, got the key went to my room and used the bathroom that worked. I went back and told Frank what I'd done and we knew it would hurt Evie but with his bathroom issues and my increasing disgust/agitation about the bathroom, and the problems he was really feeling being in the middle of the girls' fights, we agreed it was best to go to the motel, which I dubbed Switzerland, a neutral place as home base. Evie cried & cried. We tried to comfort her and stayed til past the kids' bedtime. Then we left and it actually all did work out better with us in the motel.

Being in 'Switzerland' made all the difference in the world! We spent loads of time with Evelyn doing what she wanted..1)take the kids to the 'beach' with us and 2)get a family picture done at Walmart (which was on my list too). We did the beach at 78 degrees and the next day it was 50 degrees!!! Good timing for us! And everyone cooperated and got to the family picture time and we had an early fathers' day celebration that night.

Frank also took a whole day with just Chrystal as Garrett and I went on an excursion and I saw my first lighthouse (we were in Maine), and we each discussed with the kids their request that Garrett stay the summer in Maine, work to pay for his adjusted airfare home, and have the opportunity for the brother and sister to get to know each other; and we went to dinner with just Garrett & Chrystal that night and gave our blessing to his staying. Also Frank spent extra time with Chrystal out with her friends and after her graduation celebrating. I was too beat to go to the reception after the graduation :(. But I was ready for whatever came the next day.

I took about 100 digital photos and have 79 great ones! My passion is photography of family & special events. Once I rested for a couple of days back home, I started editing and printing out the pics and was in 'Hog Heaven' (as we say in Arkansas)!

It was soooo wonderful to be with the girls, Evie's husband, & Chrystal!!!! And soooo hard to leave, and to leave Garrett there. We miss them fiercely right now. It's a tightness in your chest that just aches that we are now a continent away again. :(

Hugs and Blessings, Judy (ps. peek at the pics below)

Chrystal with Daddy, Frank, pregraduation with corsage from Daddy:
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The BEST MEDICINE: Baby love
Me holding adorable Talia, 7 mos. When I close my eyes I can still feel this moment!
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Posted by at 6:59 AM | Comments (4)

June 2, 2005

Space and Pace and go slow so can Travel

In one week, my boys and I fly to Maine for Frank's daughter's HS graduation and are spending 11 days there. So I will be away from here :(. When you pay so much to travel so far, you just have to stay a bit longer than usual (but 11 days!)

We are staying with his step-daughter, whom I adore, & her husband, Tom, & 3 kids. In a 3 bdroom trailer. Frank and I get the master bedroom so that each of us can take care of ourselves and rest as needed and be comfortable. It has a tv & bathroom. So when I do feel up to being with the kids (G-kids! Cloe 3, Austen 2, & Talia 7 mos) I just have to come out of the room, not drive 45 minutes from the motel. She's really looking forward to having us with them, she called especially to convinc me it would be okay. While I was having my med change torture, I became very anxious about going on the trip at all, and staying with them, and putting them out, ..... She said she and her husband are dedicated to doing everything possible to make us feel at home ... to include sleeping on the pull out sofa so we can have their room. They're putting Austen in with the girls, & Garrett will get Austen's room. I told her company for 11 days is gonna get old, giving up her bed, having to get around us to get to their stuff. yada, yada, is gonna get old. I told her I just didn't want to be a burden , didn't get into the anxiety and fear that Frank wanted her to call me to calm. Now that the med change is settling and grad FMS flares are halting, I think I can take care of a few matters that need care before we leave at a peaceful pace. So prior to arriving at the airport I plan to be in good shape! From there who knows these days while traveling, but I'll have my travel 'kit' and it will be fine.

Chrystal who is the graduate is at her sister's a lot as her bf(not my fave) is Tom's cousin so they both hang there. Chrystal lives the 40mins or so from Evie's. The little cute family owned motel we stayed at on our previous 2 visits is near Evies. (At one point I was so panicked that during my night prowling, I made a reservation for the entire time for my favorite room there...I wanted/ NEEDED familiar.)
We're hoping Chrystal will be there for our arrival 'round 8:30pm Tues. tho she has school for the whole week. Her graduation is on Sunday evening and then we're staying thru Fri. hope to get lots of good time with them, so got to take it easy now and while we are there.

I missed my counseling appt today because I hadn't slept since Thurs., and so I took an addl med and didn't respond to the alarm. I really had wanted to address these issues to feel better about it all, so I guess I've addressed it here instead. I get no time limit and this is free so maybe not all bad, but I really trust and like my counselor whom I've worked with for 8 years.

My Jen is gonna house sit to care for the dogs and get more taste of independence on the way to her 7/15 move into her own apartment. In exchange for her staying here, I've bought her living room end tables and coffee table (Walmart.com, gotta love it!) (Already buying the futon couch as a show of support for her move to independence--she found one she likes and put it on layaway). I think I'll have to recuperate from the trip in time to help assemble some furniture! We make a good team, Jen & I at putting stuff together so that'll work, as long as I bounce back. She had a wonderful 3 days in CA; she and her best friend stayed at Redondo Beach and loved the area; they also went to Magic Mountain for 6 hours and only 3 rides in that time; then the beach shops, then Venice Beach and home tonight. (Whew! Not that I was being overprotective and worrying...ha!)

OK to bed with me now in keeping with my 'take it easy now so I can enjoy the trip' policy.....

Hugs and Blessings, Judy :)

Posted by at 1:29 AM | Comments (3)