My Life with Fibromyalgia 2006-04-10T02:39:15Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2010:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6 Movable Type Copyright (c) 2006, Judy Shopping for New Rhuemy in Phoenix 2006-04-10T02:39:15Z 2006-01-18T11:11:47Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2006:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.4284 2006-01-18T11:11:47Z Well, my Rhuemy of 5 years, Dr. Kelly Sems left practice to work for the AMA. I had heard good things about her senior partner in the practice and transferred to him. Well I had my first visit with him... Judy jmharderaz@yahoo.com Well, my Rhuemy of 5 years, Dr. Kelly Sems left practice to work for the AMA. I had heard good things about her senior partner in the practice and transferred to him. Well I had my first visit with him on 12/20/5 and he was a complete ASS. He did not listen to me, even cutting me off. Now I know we fibromites can chatter on, but I wasn't, I was focused and he was just rude. I should have left the room, but he was between me and the door, and I need RX refills.

On top of that he doesn't RX Soma for long term use. So I was without it with no other change in meds for over a week and didn't sleep a wink! then my psychiatrist raised my night dose of Neurontin from 1200mg to 1800mg, and now I sleep, though I don't feel rested and I have saga dreams and think I'm bouncing from low levels of sleep through REM all night.

My move into my mom's, our home, is complete. All the boxes were emptied & stuff put away in time to decorate for Christmas. Our computer crashed 12/5 and we decided to let it be when the internet provider didn't help matters.
We focused on faith, family & friends and the Joy of the Season. It was a beatiful Christmas, simple, & beautiful.

I got an offer on my house today, a good one, YEAH! I have been so stressed and anxious with the market being dead in Phx, AZ since I listed late October. Well now we're on our way......I'm very lucky that the real estate market here has gone bonkers and my beautiful home became a good investment. Of course once I pay off debts, I won't have as much, but at least some substantial savings. Being on a fixed income stinks because expenses are never fixed. And, once Mom and I are up to it we can have the means to take a trip......we promised to celebrate her miraculous recovery from heart disease & surgery and I'm gonna get walking and get my bursitis in line. Our first plan is to go to Disneyland next year between Thanksgiving and Christmas while it's decorated and while the visitor trend is lower. Together, we'll be fine and hopefully, dandy!

Anyway, I am shopping for a new Rheumy in the Phx area, preferrable a woman, or a compassionate man.
Anyone know of one?

Love and Blessings,
Judy

]]> Xrays clear... Bursitis Awful 2006-04-10T02:38:33Z 2006-01-18T11:08:11Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2006:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.4283 2006-01-18T11:08:11Z Hi there. Well the hip x-rays I had to check on the pain in my left hip that is often a 12 on a scale of 1 - 10 came back. It's bursitis, bad bursitis. Good news, no arthritis or... Judy jmharderaz@yahoo.com Hi there. Well the hip x-rays I had to check on the pain in my left hip that is often a 12 on a scale of 1 - 10 came back. It's bursitis, bad bursitis. Good news, no arthritis or disc issues,.... Yeah!

I still believe that if you are having more pain or strange symptoms in a particular area that we should not assume it's FMS and overlook it.

Love and Blessings,
Judy


]]> Hello, update after absence, x-rays 2006-04-10T02:45:51Z 2005-10-11T07:30:47Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2005:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.3854 2005-10-11T07:30:47Z Hi all, It's nice to be back here. I can't believe that I was complaining about pain and fatigue on 7/14 and on 7/21 my Mom was admitted to the ER for misc. symptoms and she ended up having 5... Hi all, It's nice to be back here. I can't believe that I was complaining about pain and fatigue on 7/14 and on 7/21 my Mom was admitted to the ER for misc. symptoms and she ended up having 5 artery Coronary Bypass surgery on 7/24. She was in the hospital with a few days home before getting a leg infected, from 7/21-8/11. My life revolved around the hospital. Mom's sister came from Arkansas and she and I cared for Mom once Mom came home. Mom's doing really well now. Still building stamina and activities. She has one wound still healing, very close!, and when that's healed she can go to the cardiac rehab program at the hospital.

I hate to report that when I came home from the hospital on 7/25 and was exhausted and scattered from being in the ICU with Mom for 9 hours and from the previous 4 days stress..... well, Frank, my life partner was less that supportive and got verbally abusive, threatening to leave, and pushed me. That was that. I told him to leave. After 6 years, I never thought he'd put a hand on me in anger, or that he'd be so lacking in compassion so as to whine that I didn't have 5 minutes 'for him', that night. OMG! So... that night I moved from the house (my house) to my daughter's apt. then 2 days later to Mom's when my aunt arrived, and I've been here since. Frank and his son were OUT of the house on 9/24 and I started packing up 9/25 and finished 10/4. I'm living with Mom and we're quite happy together.

I'm selling my house as I'm unable to keep it up and pay my share here. Luckily the real estate market may be very kind to me. Dumb luck. The house should be ready to show on 10/18 and let's pray it sells quickly at a fair price.

I had to get rid of my beloved dogs, even before Frank could leave the house or I could consider calling a realtor. Friends adopted my yellow lab (female 6), and a woman approved as adoptive 'parent' by White German Shepherd rescue group adopted my Suzie, white shepherd and husky mix. They're both safe and happy.

I do miss Frank. It's not like I was miserable forever, nor was I rash in making my decision. We'd had fights since 1/2005. I think he was stressed by having his teen son in the house and the raising of him. Frank would get mad and threaten to leave (he has nothing??). He even did that on our vacation to Maine in June..."When we get back to AZ I'm moving out!"...I called him on that then and he backed down and claimed stress from dealing with his daughters there. His 'pushing' me, was the last straw, along with his 3 threats to leave that night.

So, I'm finally moving in here, with Mom's living room FULL of boxes. And I'm starting to adjust to and feel the results of the breakup. I was more focused on the dogs and the house before because he kept making me angry. He's being really sweet now, of course.

Anyway, that's what's been going on here.....

Glad to be back,
Love and Blessings, Judy

BTW Did go and get bone density test and hip xrays because of severe hip pain and want to rule out 'stuff' not assuming it's the FMS... hopefully the news isn't too bad.

]]> Severe pain from 'overdoing' today 2006-04-10T02:50:20Z 2005-07-14T09:29:58Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2005:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.3221 2005-07-14T09:29:58Z Wow, did my body scream at me today! In fact it's still a dull roar!! Frank's best friend is a magician, and he's doing so well that he's doing almost 1/2 time construction (down from full) and 1/2 time magic... Wow, did my body scream at me today! In fact it's still a dull roar!!

Frank's best friend is a magician, and he's doing so well that he's doing almost 1/2 time construction (down from full) and 1/2 time magic shows. He's performed at various Vegas locations. He also does shows for schools, as well as being a restaurant's 'entertainment' sometimes.

The first time I saw his magician side was at a restaurant where he was going table to table doing a coin trick and a card trick or two. He was great.

Well he'd asked Frank and I to come help him out this AM at a school. He asked if we'd video the performance, with minimal screwups, and get some still shots too. He's really now extremely good and he's a great guy and so we said yes. I actually got up at 7am (yikes) to go and help Gary set up and then, here comes the kicker...

I stood behind the camera, which was on a tripod on a cafeteria table, for 45 minutes. YIKES!! My hip and leg are killing me. Vicodin takes the edge off,...that's all. We actually had to leave his house without viewing the video because I was in screaming agony (I didn't completely show it til in the car with just Frank).

We're 'hitting' another school (we're Gary's 'roadies' now! LOL) next Thursday, so we're gonna get together before that and evaluate and see what's usable and what's not and what needs to be done better. We're also gonna go early and set up for some still photographs. I took some today, hope they turned out ok, I was back a bit. But the lighting was good, so that appears to have been enough for the digital photos.

Fun, Fun, ..... my favorite things, close friends or family and photography. Just hope I don't get canned after today's videography. I have this recurrent worry that I didn't have the record button down the whole time.........yikes!

Will update you........today was pretty cool, the show was worth the time and effort even with the early hour and the back pain.

He wants us to help him set up a website. Can anyone recommend a free website locaton where there's a little help setting it up for him to use?? We use yahoo/geocities for our family pics, but I've noticed others with free websites????????

Back to apply Blue Stuff to hip and thigh and take one more vicodin, (it's bee hours).

Hoping and praying tomorrow will be a better day.

Hugs and Blessings, Judy

]]> Fibromyalgia Depression hits after Vacation 2005-12-01T11:44:31Z 2005-07-05T13:39:13Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2005:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.3187 2005-07-05T13:39:13Z I'm really trying to not let depression set in in this lull after our vacation. It's easy to miss the kids. It's easy to miss having fun stuff to do. It's easy to go back to bed in the afternoon,... I'm really trying to not let depression set in in this lull after our vacation. It's easy to miss the kids. It's easy to miss having fun stuff to do. It's easy to go back to bed in the afternoon, even though the Cymbalta has my energy up and no nap is 'required', back to bed because I'm I feel lonely and sad. Frank is going through this depression worse than I am, as it was his kids and grandkids we left. It kills him to have to leave them, yet that's just part of the deal of living across the country. Us move to Maine from AZ?, no way. I don't do snow. And the girls' mom has them hoodwinked and either dependent on her for financial assistance (Evie) or tied to her apron strings (Chrystal), so the idea of them coming here for college died years ago.

I've fussed with the family photos about as much as I can. I edited and printed copies for everyone and made mini albums for the kids and Frank's mom and one for us. Then I figured out the Adobe photoshop creates photo albums which we can put captions on and control how many pics to a page and I've made 2 albums: 1 of the Walmart portraits we had taken with all the kids in different combos (which Evie will pick up the real deals on 7/7), and 1 album of my photos.

When I finished the photo projects today, I felt kinda stuck, kinda numb, prime for depression again. No more photo fun & carressing the pics to eek out every memory, and I didn't feel like folding laundry! So I watched TV, nothing special, til the fireworks show, but something to curl up on the couch with anyway. And Frank, when he isn't talking to the kids or his mom, plays a card game on the computer and sometimes Evie joins the game at the same time and they chat while playing,and when he's tired of the game, he reverts to the couch with me.

We did talk to the kids tonight (Chrystal and Garrett). They, Chrystal and bf, Richard, and Garrett and summer fling gf, Rita, and Chrystal's friend Lilly who is also making a play for Garrett(???), drove to Deer Isle, Maine, connected by a suspension bridge to Sedgwick that's pretty impressive, for the 4th Fireworks. Garrett enjoyed seeing them over the water for the first time, wish we were still there! We just watched the Tempe Town Lake show on TV at 9:20 for 40mins on TV.

I asked Frank tonight if we did the right thing in letting Garrett stay in Maine for the summer, as he and Chrystal wanted that time to bond more... should we have said, no you are coming home as planned.. He would have a job already that we'd taxi him to as he studied for and got a drivers' permit, then license. He wouldn't have to worry about working to get the airfare increase in order to come home, which he says he's doing. And here, he'd be seeing girlfriend, Rachel and we'd be aware of their relationship... maybe being farther away is easier on that one!

(IHOP is hiring and we have become friendly with 2 servers who are 'certified trainers' who said they'd be a reference for him and train him, before they leave for college in Tucson 7/31...oh well)(and his friend Steven called our first day back and Frank had the idea Garrett was getting the Dairy Queen job, if he'd been home).

Or, I asked Frank, is it better to have given the kids, Chrystal and Garrett, what they wanted and let him stay for them to bond, and let them learn the life lessons of living together, and socializing together, and working(?), and getting to know each other beyond 'vacation'. And maybe becoming disillusioned with expectations of each other.

Frank voted for 'life lessons', and I guess I do too.
It's awfully quiet around here without Garrett though!
Usually if I was down, Frank had Garrett to goof around with and run errands. Now it's just us again.

Actually, I think the time alone is good for our relationship, for us to reconnect as US. We get out to our respective Moms and to the Super Walmart and that's about it.

I spent 2 days with my mom last week because she has some kind of flu bug or infection and was alone as Jen was working and my sister was in all day classes, and Mom called weepy and sorry to bother me but she thought she needed some gatorade & bananas. And the other day, before, she was weak and didn't want to be alone. This is rare for Mom to be sick, probably all the stress of the divorce weakened her.

And Frank was at his Mom's Saturday, while I was with mine, then Sunday night we both went to his mom's, Dorothy, for dinner, escarole & pasta & loads of parmesan/romano, it's good stuff. As for the 4th, we don't do crowds so we watched it on TV, Frank's digestive issues need us to be near a restroom, and my pain and anxiety stuff prohibit a lot of exertion.

We do love movies, who doesn't?, and since we can't seem to get out to them, due to our health issues, I joined that NetFlix thing where they mail you 2 choices and you get a new one every time you send one back, unlimited per month. It's less $ than one outing to the movies, and we don't go broke buying all the new releases to see them. I'm gonna do some date night ambience- you know the smell of stale popcorn, GIANT sodas in our theater cups (large drinks only $1 when we take with us), maybe train the dogs to kick the back of Frank's spot on the couch, LOL.

We don't even have any doc appts this week. Though I am driving my mom to the doctor whenever she can get in tomorrow, Tuesday. She's too weak, & to boot, my sister borrowed Mom's car and then picked up her own car at the dealership after repairs and left Mom's car there, so Mom is stranded. My sister never stops infuriating me. (Lisa is 11 mos younger than me and my total opposite in personality)

Anyway, starting our 3rd week back, feeling more rested and more like me, and I hope Mom gets better and nobody else gets sick. I hope to settle back into life here. I'm hoping this week will have less longing for the kids and vacation days. And I'm praying the depression cloud looming over us goes away.

Hugs and Blessings, Judy

]]> Does Fibromyalgia suppress immune systems 2006-04-10T03:05:34Z 2005-07-03T23:55:25Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2005:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.3181 2005-07-03T23:55:25Z Well, I don't know. I have had this disease for 7+ years and over the years I have cared for my daughter, now 19, and my mom, and my husband and I didn't always necessarily get anything. They try to... Well, I don't know.

I have had this disease for 7+ years and over the years I have cared for my daughter, now 19, and my mom, and my husband and I didn't always necessarily get anything.

They try to keep me away. They try to protect me. Oh well, nobody is keeping me from my daughter's side when she is sick, same for my husband and my mom.

My mom has a wicked flu-y thing right now, stomach (yuck hate that kind). She was weak and needed stuff and someone yesterday and I went to her and took care of her. (My Jen has been caring for her as well as my sister who stops by.) Jen had a mono-like virus in the winter and I went and stayed with her and took care of her.

Now I do take precautions. I wash my hands constantly and don't drink/eat after & don't kiss on the lips (which we do, we're southern gals and just do). But I do kiss on the forehead to evaluate fevers, and hold my daughter in my lap and pet her head and hold my mom's hand.

I'm NOT getting this thing from Mom. I didn't get anything from Jen's 2 bouts with the bug in the winter. I have gotten the flu and a cold and it stinks to have that on top of FMS bodywide pain and fatigue and being unable to sleep....add single nostril breathing and or vomiting and life with FMS is beyond something I feel I can 'handle'.

I handle life with FMS, without other complications. I have to. I rest, perhaps that's why I don't get some stuff. And the vitamins, etc. that are part of my medical regimen, they probably help.

So I guess it depends on the person and the bug.....no solid answer here.

Just be careful, and WASH YOUR HANDS. And if you're newly dx'd, err on the side of being really careful and Take Care of Yourself!

Off to rest,
Hugs and Blessings, Judy

]]> Cymbalta reduces Fatigue, but may cause Agitation 2005-12-01T11:44:31Z 2005-06-30T18:12:08Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2005:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.3178 2005-06-30T18:12:08Z Hi all :) Well, since I've been home, I've been to the doc and I told him that I've been getting agitated in a snap then it's over and that's not like me. If I got agitated before I'd play... Hi all :)

Well, since I've been home, I've been to the doc and I told him that I've been getting agitated in a snap then it's over and that's not like me. If I got agitated before I'd play it out slamming doors and the like.

He said that since I've been on the 60mg of Cymbalta for only a month and 11 days of that was on a trip, which is stressful enough, the Cymbalta 60mg hasn't had a fair test. Also he said "I'm hesitant to increase your dosage of Cymbalta because it could increase the agitation factor". Oh really, didn't see that in the side effects list. Hmmm. So he has me taking 100 mg Neurontin am, lunch, dinner, along with .5 Klonopin in the am to try to relax me and quit the agitation (and the random frequent tears).

Frank and I fought in Maine, well he snapped, then I snapped, then he snapped back. It wasn't fun, and it wasn't 'us'. I know now it was the stress on him of trying to be with his kids and me being agitated, perhaps due to the Cymbalta. Anyway, I'm so very glad we've made peace and gotten over that stuff.

Since Garrett decided to stay in Maine for the summer, we have the empty nest to ourselves. We're enjoying the lack of kid stress, though we still have it from afar and we're still dealing with the grief of leaving the kids to come back home.

And again I say that I fix my wallowing by editing and printing my digital pics and creating our album and mini albums for the girls, which we mailed to them yesterday. It's busy work and immerses me in the memories of the time with the kids.

Now that I'm done with the photo albums, I may not know what to do with myself, though there is cleaning to do, dusting mainly. Living in AZ even without open doors or windows, we tend to be dusty. Must dust weekly.

NEEDED to get into my counselor and when I called last week her first appt was 7/8...heck, I'll forget my issues by then! But now my mom has a cold/flu bug :( , and I may take her slot tomorrow a.m. I'm supposed to be seeing the counselor regularly to be 'trying to recover' for the d*mn insurance company. Plus I can use it. Somehow, the right stuff always bubbles up and Karen, the counselor, always seems to help.

Still very tired from the trip, though the Cymbalta does keep me from wanting naps. So when I'm exhausted and didn't sleep well, I sleep in or go back to sleep after taking all meds BUT the Cymbalta.

Going to try to attach a photo of Frank and I. One of 3 that we've ever had taken.

Hugs and Blessings, Judy

]]> Fibromyalgia and Travel need special care 2006-04-10T03:20:11Z 2005-06-29T14:59:10Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2005:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.3169 2005-06-29T14:59:10Z Wow, first off I have to admit to doing something that I never have before and was almost too ashamed to do..... at the airports from curbside check-in to the plane & out to baggage pickup, I requested a wheelchair... Wow, first off I have to admit to doing something that I never have before and was almost too ashamed to do..... at the airports from curbside check-in to the plane & out to baggage pickup, I requested a wheelchair for me as well as for my Frank. I decided that looks from strangers didn't mean as much to me as me avoiding SEVERE PAIN from walking through the terminal to the gates. (Frank had a stroke and has left side weakness and we usually use a cane; this year he got a wheelchair too because walking kicks in his digestive track which is medicated to make it work and lets just say he needed and made it to fewer bathrooms urgently this way.) And then Frank's son Garrett, 19, just had to keep up with the wheelchair attendants and they really move! It made all the difference, I could handle the flight and the 3 hour drive then without being in the SEVERE PAIN walking that far would cause for me now. And I have to admit, that now that I'm home, I'm reminded that for every day you go out of town and 'overdo' even when you try not to, Fibromyalgia hits hard with fatigue and pain back home. It's been 10 days since we went to Maine and I'm still paying! But it was worth it!!!

We stayed with my stepdaughter in her trailer as planned for 2 nights/3days, then I checked us into the cute motel we usually stay in. The master bedroom was to be our sanctuary and have its own bathroom because of Frank's digestive 'urgencies'; the door to the bathroom didn't even open, the plumbing wasn't hooked up. Strike 1. The one other bathroom in the hall for 5 adults, and 2 potty training kids DID NOT FLUSH AT ALL! The first day an excuse was made and it was cleared a time or two. After that we were told we just needed more time for the tank to fill...nope, no flushing. Then they realized that when they recently moved the trailer to this spot 'stuff' got in the 'lines' and was blocking/backing up the toilet. Everyone had to go on everyone else's discharge===gross. Strike 2. And we were staying with the stepdaughter (raised from 1 and treated as his own), and the biological daughter who was graduating whom we wanted to be sure and get the most visiting in we could, didn't like that we were staying with her sister and the two of them got into a pissing contest/catfight and poor Frank was in the middle, because we were not staying in neutral ground. Strike 3.

So on the 3rd day, I took the rental (free upgrade to Ford Explorer, all they had, yippee!) and was going into town to use a bathroom, and the motel didn't have a 'No Vacancy' sign up. So I pulled in, put down my emergency $ from my mom who is the best mom in the world, got the key went to my room and used the bathroom that worked. I went back and told Frank what I'd done and we knew it would hurt Evie but with his bathroom issues and my increasing disgust/agitation about the bathroom, and the problems he was really feeling being in the middle of the girls' fights, we agreed it was best to go to the motel, which I dubbed Switzerland, a neutral place as home base. Evie cried & cried. We tried to comfort her and stayed til past the kids' bedtime. Then we left and it actually all did work out better with us in the motel.

Being in 'Switzerland' made all the difference in the world! We spent loads of time with Evelyn doing what she wanted..1)take the kids to the 'beach' with us and 2)get a family picture done at Walmart (which was on my list too). We did the beach at 78 degrees and the next day it was 50 degrees!!! Good timing for us! And everyone cooperated and got to the family picture time and we had an early fathers' day celebration that night.

Frank also took a whole day with just Chrystal as Garrett and I went on an excursion and I saw my first lighthouse (we were in Maine), and we each discussed with the kids their request that Garrett stay the summer in Maine, work to pay for his adjusted airfare home, and have the opportunity for the brother and sister to get to know each other; and we went to dinner with just Garrett & Chrystal that night and gave our blessing to his staying. Also Frank spent extra time with Chrystal out with her friends and after her graduation celebrating. I was too beat to go to the reception after the graduation :(. But I was ready for whatever came the next day.

I took about 100 digital photos and have 79 great ones! My passion is photography of family & special events. Once I rested for a couple of days back home, I started editing and printing out the pics and was in 'Hog Heaven' (as we say in Arkansas)!

It was soooo wonderful to be with the girls, Evie's husband, & Chrystal!!!! And soooo hard to leave, and to leave Garrett there. We miss them fiercely right now. It's a tightness in your chest that just aches that we are now a continent away again. :(

Hugs and Blessings, Judy (ps. peek at the pics below)

Chrystal with Daddy, Frank, pregraduation with corsage from Daddy:
View image

The BEST MEDICINE: Baby love
Me holding adorable Talia, 7 mos. When I close my eyes I can still feel this moment!
View image

]]> Space and Pace and go slow so can Travel 2005-12-01T11:44:30Z 2005-06-02T09:29:03Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2005:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.3060 2005-06-02T09:29:03Z In one week, my boys and I fly to Maine for Frank's daughter's HS graduation and are spending 11 days there. So I will be away from here :(. When you pay so much to travel so far, you just... In one week, my boys and I fly to Maine for Frank's daughter's HS graduation and are spending 11 days there. So I will be away from here :(. When you pay so much to travel so far, you just have to stay a bit longer than usual (but 11 days!)

We are staying with his step-daughter, whom I adore, & her husband, Tom, & 3 kids. In a 3 bdroom trailer. Frank and I get the master bedroom so that each of us can take care of ourselves and rest as needed and be comfortable. It has a tv & bathroom. So when I do feel up to being with the kids (G-kids! Cloe 3, Austen 2, & Talia 7 mos) I just have to come out of the room, not drive 45 minutes from the motel. She's really looking forward to having us with them, she called especially to convinc me it would be okay. While I was having my med change torture, I became very anxious about going on the trip at all, and staying with them, and putting them out, ..... She said she and her husband are dedicated to doing everything possible to make us feel at home ... to include sleeping on the pull out sofa so we can have their room. They're putting Austen in with the girls, & Garrett will get Austen's room. I told her company for 11 days is gonna get old, giving up her bed, having to get around us to get to their stuff. yada, yada, is gonna get old. I told her I just didn't want to be a burden , didn't get into the anxiety and fear that Frank wanted her to call me to calm. Now that the med change is settling and grad FMS flares are halting, I think I can take care of a few matters that need care before we leave at a peaceful pace. So prior to arriving at the airport I plan to be in good shape! From there who knows these days while traveling, but I'll have my travel 'kit' and it will be fine.

Chrystal who is the graduate is at her sister's a lot as her bf(not my fave) is Tom's cousin so they both hang there. Chrystal lives the 40mins or so from Evie's. The little cute family owned motel we stayed at on our previous 2 visits is near Evies. (At one point I was so panicked that during my night prowling, I made a reservation for the entire time for my favorite room there...I wanted/ NEEDED familiar.)
We're hoping Chrystal will be there for our arrival 'round 8:30pm Tues. tho she has school for the whole week. Her graduation is on Sunday evening and then we're staying thru Fri. hope to get lots of good time with them, so got to take it easy now and while we are there.

I missed my counseling appt today because I hadn't slept since Thurs., and so I took an addl med and didn't respond to the alarm. I really had wanted to address these issues to feel better about it all, so I guess I've addressed it here instead. I get no time limit and this is free so maybe not all bad, but I really trust and like my counselor whom I've worked with for 8 years.

My Jen is gonna house sit to care for the dogs and get more taste of independence on the way to her 7/15 move into her own apartment. In exchange for her staying here, I've bought her living room end tables and coffee table (Walmart.com, gotta love it!) (Already buying the futon couch as a show of support for her move to independence--she found one she likes and put it on layaway). I think I'll have to recuperate from the trip in time to help assemble some furniture! We make a good team, Jen & I at putting stuff together so that'll work, as long as I bounce back. She had a wonderful 3 days in CA; she and her best friend stayed at Redondo Beach and loved the area; they also went to Magic Mountain for 6 hours and only 3 rides in that time; then the beach shops, then Venice Beach and home tonight. (Whew! Not that I was being overprotective and worrying...ha!)

OK to bed with me now in keeping with my 'take it easy now so I can enjoy the trip' policy.....

Hugs and Blessings, Judy :)

]]> Graduation and then the FLARE 2005-12-01T11:44:30Z 2005-06-01T01:02:11Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2005:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.3056 2005-06-01T01:02:11Z Well, like I said I was feeling better overall on the 25th. And a good thing too. I was hurting from the cleaning on Graduation day, but pushed it aside and enjoyed the ceremony & the family back at the... Well, like I said I was feeling better overall on the 25th. And a good thing too. I was hurting from the cleaning on Graduation day, but pushed it aside and enjoyed the ceremony & the family back at the house.

Then the PAIN screamed from every cell in my body from grad night up through Sunday (so 3 full days). So pain meds were taken more frequently and then yesterday I had to take a stool softener and ended up running to the bathroom regularly- pun intended.

Today, awww today, I feel me inside my head, in spite of still not sleeping until the wee hours of the morning (3 - 6)? I didn't rise early, but early enough and was not in excruciating pain, and felt like I was back inside my head.

I even dressed and got out, to take Garrett & friend to the mall to hang & get job applications, and with Frank to the neurologist and an impromptu stop at the pharmacy. I was doing ok.

Then there was a car near ours with the engine & A/C running for the 2 small dogs inside. One of the dogs popped its head up and it was a smaller lighter version of our beloved Honey Bun's face after the rain, crinkle curls around her head. I started crying silently, feeling the loss from 2 years ago and the guilt that plagues me whether I should have noticed changes in her behavior sooner, whether I had neglected her by letting her lie & sleep & bask in the early spring sun. We played with and pet and gave treats and she kenneled at night and for dinner like she had for her whole life (13 years+). I should have noticed something wrong, I should have spent more time with her, I should have....... and it comes down to there was nothing we could do when she took her turn for the worse suddenly and there is nothing I can do now. Just tell the story one more time, as we women need to do sometimes, and cry one more time. And I'll pick up and go from there.

Now I'm about to pay bills (yuck!) but wanted to check in here and give an update. I didn't intend to tell the dog story, but I guess I needed to tell it again.

I am heartened by the substantial improvement in my pain level and in feeling more me. I think that perhaps now the flare has passed and the med change has adjusted, I'll just need a couple more dayd to get back to sleeping 4-5 hours continuously, during the night, falling asleep at a reasonable hour.

So I hope for and expect more healing this week, esp. since in one week, we leave for Maine for my step-daughter's HS graduation (we'll be there 11 days staying with the other daughter). I don't want to be a wreck. I don't want to FLARE from travel on top of other stuff. So I'm keeping it low key this week...

Hugs and Blessings, Judy :)

]]> Cymbalta 60mg, 1 1/2 weeks in, Feeling Me Again 2006-04-10T03:16:25Z 2005-05-25T14:48:41Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2005:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.3031 2005-05-25T14:48:41Z Wow, it is such a relief to be able to say that I feel like me again! The 8 week torture of quitting Paxil and THEN starting Cymbalta at 30mg for 2 weeks and then 60mg. Finally with the 60mg... Wow, it is such a relief to be able to say that I feel like me again!

The 8 week torture of quitting Paxil and THEN starting Cymbalta at 30mg for 2 weeks and then 60mg. Finally with the 60mg I started feeling more like me, and it's stayed that way for several days...I think I'm on the upswing! I also do have more energy, perhaps from the ephedrine part of the med.

It's good I have the energy as my stepson Garrett is graduating HS on Thurs. 26th at a huge auditorium in Sun City, and then we are having the family over to our home for 'Cake and a Photo Op with the Grad'....so some cleaning that just has to be done every couple of months or which it's just time for, ALL has to be done before Thurs. afternoon. I swept and mopped yesterday and that's why I'm up at this hour (6 something am), as the fibromyalgia has my shoulder and leg muscles SCREAMING at me for doing the mopping. Today dusting, clutter-outing, and kitchen countertops cleaning including moving everything (I keep the counters clean, but I don't move appliances but every couple of months). Thank God my husband Frank and Garrett are very helpful around the house. In fact Garrett does the vaccuuming now since neither Frank or I can do it without ending up in bed with a strained back after. Nothing that heavy today, so should finish up my part and then start preparing for the party (balloons, cake already ordered) yada, yada... We are really proud of Garrett, he's worked very hard to finish not only his day school full schedule but also 3 outside courses to meet graduation requirements.

God timed my 8 week bedridden med change just right between my Jen's bday and Garrett's graduation. I'm so glad I'll be 'up' for this now.

Thinking Cymbalta's a good thing.......ask your doc if you are on an antidepressant that doesn't seem to be effective.

]]> Cymbalta seems to be helping the body... 2005-12-01T11:44:29Z 2005-05-23T08:53:49Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2005:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.3018 2005-05-23T08:53:49Z I can understand the empty feeling of my sweet friend Heaven's Daughter. I have been going through antidepressant withdrawal and switch for the past 8 weeks, and just the last 2 days I feel ok to be up. But I'm... I can understand the empty feeling of my sweet friend Heaven's Daughter.
I have been going through antidepressant withdrawal and switch for the past 8 weeks, and just the last 2 days I feel ok to be up. But I'm empty inside...my head is empty, I've been bedridden for about 6 weeks, I don't have any knowledge or input for a conversation. My gut feels empty..I can't explain,.. it just doesn't feel right. And the worst, my heart feels empty. The depression that hit and had me bedridden along with the pain and fatigue had me suicidal, questioning my worth, and now I have no idea what I am worth or what I am to do next. I can't even really talk to my husband other than household stuff (and not much of that). I have nothing inside of me. Usually I'm full of love and positivity....I can't find it. So I understand for now. Let's Pray for the Lord to refill us with His Love...that's the only thing I think can help.
Hugs and Blessings, Judy

]]> Still Adjusting to Cymbalta instead of Paxil 2005-12-01T11:44:29Z 2005-05-18T17:08:39Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2005:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.2995 2005-05-18T17:08:39Z Well, I may have spoken too soon. I was told to wean off the Paxil over 5 weeks from 50mg to 0mg 10mg per week. As I wrote, the last couple of weeks were HELL ON WHEELS! I was bedridden... Well, I may have spoken too soon. I was told to wean off the Paxil over 5 weeks from 50mg to 0mg 10mg per week. As I wrote, the last couple of weeks were HELL ON WHEELS! I was bedridden for the most part.

I thought, hey I can do 5 weeks, I've done longer than that trying to get better. But i didn't count on the time it would take for Cymbalta to be effective for me. So 5 weeks off Paxil, and now 2 weeks on Cymbalta 30mg. The 3rd & 4th days I felt like me inside again, mostly. Then it was crash again. And so the doc upped the dosage to 60 mg and I've been taking that for 5 days now. started last Friday, and Monday I felt more like me, and now it's not as bad of a crash, but I'm still down, wayyyy down, anxious, depressed, in pain, & not sleeping. If this lasts the week, I'm calling for another increase. I signed on for 5 weeks of 'not feeling good' and this is my 8th week of hell from changing meds and I'm just about to give up. It's so hard. I feel so bad. I don't whine, but every evening I've snapped at my husband for really no reason other than I'm agitated. (Well he is a man, so he should bear some of the blame!)

Back to bed with me now.......just wanted to post, and say why I haven't been posting.

Hugs and Blessings, Judy

]]> OFF PAXIL FINALLY....hopefully through the worst 2005-12-01T11:44:28Z 2005-04-30T23:20:28Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2005:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.2912 2005-04-30T23:20:28Z OMG, 5 weeks going off 10mg a week from 50mg to 0mg of Paxil. Paxil that I'd been on at least 20mg for 7 years. The doc said I'd feel lousy. But this is all worth it to go on... OMG, 5 weeks going off 10mg a week from 50mg to 0mg of Paxil. Paxil that I'd been on at least 20mg for 7 years. The doc said I'd feel lousy. But this is all worth it to go on new miracle drug CYmbalta.

LOUSY:
That's an understatement. These past 2 weeks I've been so dizzy, light headed, full of pain and with no energy.....and a constant ringing in my ears....All the symptoms I had in the beginning before I got relief. Oh yeah sleep way off, and anxiety through the roof. I'm sleeping and spending the day with a tissue box again.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life:
I'm hoping.....cause these last 5 weeks stunk! This morning I took my first dose of 30mg Cymbalta. I realize it'll probably take it the week to actually help, since my Psych. wanted to see me 1 week into it (next Friday). So for now I'm couch or bed -bound, housebound, just plain nuts at times, crying for no reason or a stupid reason.

Last night I got up around 4am to go to the bathroom and when I closed the door to the little toilet room in the bathroom, the turn spun my head out and while the toilet takes up 60% of the space and you'd think I could grab either wall and land on the toilet....nope, on the floor, half next to it half in the legroom. I think my spirit and perhaps my rump are bruised.

Sooooooooo, sick and tired of this. Did I say I can do 5 weeks if it will end up for the better??? I'm not made of that strong a stuff anymore!!!!! Although I did make it through the 5 weeks. God help me, please let the cymbalta start working soooooooon.

Hugs, Judy

]]> Almost off Paxil 2005-12-01T11:44:28Z 2005-04-25T19:45:20Z tag:www.healthdiaries.com,2005:/blogs/fibromyalgialife//6.2880 2005-04-25T19:45:20Z Hello :) I am on week 5 of going off Paxil 10mg per week (started at 50). So at the end of this week, I get to start taking the new 'wonderdrug' Cymbalta. I really hope this is all worth... Hello :)

I am on week 5 of going off Paxil 10mg per week (started at 50). So at the end of this week, I get to start taking the new 'wonderdrug' Cymbalta. I really hope this is all worth it.

It has been awful these weeks especially lately. Pain, fatigue, sleep disorder are all worse. Anxiety and not wanting to leave the house are going through the roof! My mind is even less alert than usual with Fibro Fog. I had a meltdown, hyperventilating out loud uncontrollable sobbing because I wanted to not feel dizzy and shaky and I'd showered and done my hair because I was gonna beat this thing and go to the store with my husband. NOPE. The decisive moment was post shower & hair & underwear, but prior to the BRA. Putting on the bra would mean I was going to put on my jeans and top and shoes and go. Not putting on the bra meant I couldn't, I couldn't pull myself together to go anywhere afterall. So the moment that I picked up a krinkle thrown on dress rather than the bra I had decided. And I began with tears dripping down my cheeks, then more, then my husband noticed and you all can support this, once someone sees you crying and is sympathetic, you cry more! It was a half hour of donkey noise, nose blowing, hyperventilating, uncontrollable sobbing. He held me and gave me an ativan (good man). Finally, I was breathing normally and my nose was clear (toward the end, blowing my nose, I kept saying...'can you believe all of that came out of my cute little nose??" and he'd laugh and say no). he put me to bed and kissed me bye cause he was going to the store. When he kissed me my lips started to quiver and my eyes got wet and he stayed and talked me back to relaxed, then he left and I slept. At least this meltdown didn't end me up on the bathroom floor in a fetal position.

I can't go anywhere, but I have to go get something notarized at the bank TODAY. So I have to go there. I WILL go there somehow.

My family and my 'sweet gal' friend, she knows who she is, are my life right now. I reach out here, Thank you Tracy! And visit another site of a friend's regularly. I talk to my family and long to talk to my 'sweet gal' friend, as she's going through something really big.

Wish me luck and send prayers if so inclined, this last week of going off Paxil.....

Hugs and Blessings, Judy

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