September 22, 2004

About Help

My little dog, Emmie, got something lodged between her jaw and her gum today. She didn't want to let me put my finger back there to try to get it out, so I called the vet. But the vet couldn't see her until 2 pm, which was three hours from the time I called, and Emmie seemed so uncomfortable. She kept smacking her lips and trying to get her tongue back to remove the obstruction, but to no avail. Next she tried to hack it up. Then she'd flop on the floor, with a desperate little sigh and looked up at me with her big brown puppy eyes.

So I called my dad, who, luckily, lives less than 5 minutes away. He was trying to open her mouth wide enough to see whatever it was that was in there. Instead of getting a look, it had the effect to pop it out. But before we could tell what "it" was, Emmie had swallowed it whole. I kept an eye on her all afternoon, but cancelled with the vet. By 3 pm, she was looking at me to take her on a walk.

Funny how a little thing like this can happen to my dog, and I'm all over it calling for help and vets and even my husband at work. But when it comes to my RA, I usually try to make it a mind over matter, call my doctor only when it's gotten to the point of no return and feel bad about asking my husband -- or anyone else -- for help.

Maybe I'm just a stubborn, orenery West Virginian.

Or maybe admitting that things don't feel right, that I'm not, each and every day, altogether well is just relinquishing too much of myself to RA. Maybe it's a fear of losing my independence.

Emmie the beagle didn't seem to have any problem letting me know she was uncomfortable and wanted my help. Once again, I'm learning lessons from the dog.

I often wonder why I don't just ask for the help I need when I need it. Why does this seem like the most difficult thing to do?

Asking for help is different than feeling sorry for myself or wanting pity. I know this as an intellectual concept. But as an emotion, well, I'm still back to my old ways. It's tough to know the line, to when to grit your teeth and move ahead and when to say, please, a little assistance here.

I don't have a lot of wisdom here; I don't always take my own advice. I know that those of you who read my thoughts (and I certainly appreciate that a bunch!) may be wondering what I'm trying to say here. I'm not sure I know what I'm trying to say, expect sometimes it is easier for me to take immediate action for someone else than for myself. And that's not always a good thing.

At least Emmie's back to normal. She's taken over the Lay-z-boy chair.

Posted by renee | Filed under:

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