March 4, 2005

Diary of A First-Time Arthritis Advocate

Saturday, February 26, 2005

8:45 pm

Have just taken another shot of Enbrel. My right knee seems to need it - it’s puffed up like had slipped half a grapefruit just under the patella and looks like its swelling and squashy under there. Blech.

Have packed a little roller-suitcase of clothes and essentials. The essentials include all sort of sample sized items from a pre- travel Target shopping spree, and other good stuff, including:

A mini bottle of Scope
A tiny “Morning Burst” facial wash – with micro beads (sounds like fun!)
A tube of Colgate Total Plus Whitening in travel-size
A new toothbrush
Oral-B Brush Ups (in-between meals brushing solution – just fit them over you index finger and polish away)
Extra sugar-free gum in Wintermint
(I think my travel purchase show a slight fixation with oral hygiene. I like to think of it as having my smile picture-perfect for snapshots in government offices)
Razor
Miniature bottle of Herbal Essence Shampoo and Infusion 23 leave-in hair treatment (for shinny, healthy locks!)
Travel Sized Soft ‘N Dri Antiperspirant/Deodorant in Baby Powder scent
Trial Sized atomizer of Beautiful perfume by Estee Lauder (not from Target, but left from a prior gift with purchase gimmick by the cosmetic counter)
Travel first aid kit
Glysomed hand cream and Lubriderm Sensitive Skin Therapy for Dry Skin
A tiny pallete of eye shadow
A tube of Almost Makeup, SPF 15 by Clinique
Stilla Pressed Powder
MaybellineWaterproof Mascara with mini wand
Chapstick
Three tubes of lipstick and one gloss
Trail mix
Snack sized peanut butter crackers
Black sunglasses
Clothes for the hill (business casual)
PJs
Jeans – just in case there is any time to hang out
Flight and hotel info
My journal
The novel I’m currently reading
Pictures of my husband and my dog
Digital camera
Vitamins
A prescription bottle of prednisone (just in case the swelling doesn’t quit or gets worse)

How I fit this in a tote and a little roller suitcase, I have no idea. But there are peanut butter crackers stuffed in a pair of my shoes.

I’m worried about my knee – it’s been swell-y and weak for the last couple of days and I don’t know that tromping about Capitol Hill is going to make it much better. I have a fear building in the pit of my stomach about representing my local chapter of the Arthritis Foundation in Washington. Sure, I’m going with Joanna, who’s been before. But what do I know about advocating but one day at the Statehouse (with naive expectations). I’m not even a very political person (a friend actually asked me this week if I knew where Capitol Hill was. Very funny. I’ll have you know I voted in the last election, too).

But what if I screw up?

The Enbrel shot goes as well as expected. The needle sinks into a roll of skin I’ve pinched in my thigh, and I depress the medicine under the skin. Some time pulling the needle back out is worse than plunging it in, but I try not to think about it, have a cotton ball and band aid ready.

My husband Matt has purchased me the collectors DVD of Chariots of Fire. This is one of my favorite movies and so I decide to watch it before falling asleep, hoping to be inspired. It’s the story of two Olympic runners and what drives them. One is driven by his desire to overcome what he feels is the stigma of being Jewish. He feels denied and uses running to prove himself. The other is a missionary who feels that he honors God through his running. The latter is more inspiring, but the first is probably, if I’m at my most honest, most like me. Always something to prove.

I found out, by checking out all the extras on the DVD, that the actor who played the missionary/Olympic runner is dead – and quite young (the credits say 1949-2000). This makes me sad. His character in the movie, Eric Liddell, refuses to run in his 100 meter qualifying heat on Sunday because he believes it is the Lord’s day. While showing the other runners, the movie voices over his sermon, from Isaiah 40: 31

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles;
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever renew my strength. But I like the idea of this passage, and Eric Liddell’s devotion. He ends up winning a gold medal for the 400 meters, an event given to him to run so that the English Olympic committee can save face. In a surprise to everyone but him, he wins.

I like the idea of this too – surprising everyone and winning.

So before I drift off to sleep, before I panic that I won’t wake up early enough to catch my flight, before I decide that I have no business being an advocate because I don’t know much about the process, I think about Chariots of Fire and wonder what winning is in my world.

Posted by renee | Filed under:

Comments

Posted by: Elizabeth at March 4, 2005 5:15 PM

Posted by: Renee at March 5, 2005 11:05 AM

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