Its never enough

I had a mini-meltdown in therapy this morning. I'm just so frustrated, with everything, especially myself. There are things I want to be able to do, answers I need, things I wish I knew, but there just ARENT answers. I spend hours a day on therapy type stuff, researching, trying to help myself. I do research, read books, I write, I try to talk to those inside, I give up my own time so that they have time to do what they need to do. But it still isn't enough. No matter what I do, someone still wants more from me. Sometimes the person that wants more is ME. Sometimes its just my treatment team. Sometimes its my family. Sometimes its my husband. Sometimes, its just everyone.
Its just never enough. I am never enough. Today I just want to give up. I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of being myself. I'm sick and tired of having THEM around. I want to be free.
I want so much to help them, everyone inside. I want so much to make things better. I am trying so hard to do everything I can. If I knew what to do, I would do it. I want to fix everything. I want to help the others.
IF I KNEW HOW.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under: