Stuck on Pluto
I am SO lonely.
Almost all the time.
It feels like there's no one I can connect with in the whole world. As if I live on a separate planet--- Pluto. Watching Earth from far away, watching the world pass by while people laugh and go to the movies and show up on each other's door steps as a surprise.
Its funny, when I talk to other people online with DID, ther are a lot of us who feel this way. There are a bunch of people, all living in our own universes.
I'm still where I was earlier today-- in denial.
Tonight, I balanced my own checkbook and paid my own bills-- a task that Missy normally handles, because I cannot handle any discussions about money. Normally Missy sits at the table with the checkbook and calculator, and handles all things money.
But tonight-- I did it. I curled up on the couch, much more comfortable for me. I handled something. Tried to tell myself, see, I don't need Missy, I don't need to dissociate anymore. I'm getting stronger. I want to believe that so much. I want to outgrow the need for the others. I want to believe that I can start handling things on my own.
But I'm still stuck here on Pluto.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
