Thank you for kind comments.

Somedays i have so much to say that i dont know where to start.
I had 2 e-mails today about my writings here. What a difference some kind words can make. To have someone say to me that I am making a difference, that I'm helping them understand DID better....it just makes me want to humble myself and whisper thank you and take these kind people some of my homemade chocolate chip cookies.
Yesterday I was in such a fog . i notice that I didn't write about that here. I am not sure who was writing in the diary yesterday-- it seems like Carol's writing, because she's the one who would use a word like "touching". (that reminds Carol of something she wants me to write about--- WAIT!! i'm not done talking about yesterday yet!)
I was in such a fog. Due to allergies and dissociation and allergy medication, I'm surprised i could walk upright.
When I resist the switching, I also get intense headaches-- I get them a lot on work days-- ok, my mind isn't going to cooperate until i let others get out what they want to say.

This is Carol :)
I just wanted to say that yes, the lovely and touching comments on the weblog have very much touched our hearts. Thank you so much. I have shared them with the other members of my bulletin board, A Mind's Journey , and we are all so grateful that there are people in the world who are willing to give us a chance.

Today i got new close . and went siwmming.Mae

OK, thats all that I'm going to let Mae get away with saying, because she wants to get into too many details, too many little things that she finds fascinating . She doesn't realize yet that other people are not fascinated with every little thing that she does. We had guests at our house this evening. Mae wanted so badly to tell our guests that she had on her new, blue striped underwear on tonight. Can you imagine how inappropriate that would have sounded, coming out of the mouth of a 31 year old? I have to be so careful when Mae is around. I can't control her all the time, which has led to a lot of embarasssing situations. People must think I am a complete idiot sometimes. *hide*

Where WAS i going with this post?

back to school shopping . hope i didn't already talk about this before.

Did some more back to school shopping this weekend. Just a little bit (money is always a huge problem). Its like a war to see who's going to make it to the store to get the clothes. Everyone inside has their own style. "Nobody" dresses in all black--- all the time. Head to toe black. Guess what she bought for her back to school outfit?
Missy would do well in a military school. Or in a private Catholic school. She likes uniforms. Classy plaid skirts and starched white shirts, big black boots, not a single wrinkle-- or suits. I have a picture of me in one of Missy's suits. i look ridicuous, because i wouldn't be caught dead in a suit, and i hate wearing skirts,but guess what Missy bought?
I like how Carol dresses. She is much prettier than I am. She wears long flowing skirts and shirts, and sparkley jewelry, and long purple beaded earrings.
Tuck is a jeans and white t-shirt kid. He dresses like my grampa.
But I dress most like Mae: her style is, of course, typical 5 year old-- Elmo overalls.
I bought Mae a dress a couple weeks ago, out of the kid's department (which is still the size i fit) and so it was a nice, kid's style. bright colors and innocent looking. Mae was the one who liked it so much.
Apparenty, she took it to my therapist last week to show her. "My new dress"
Mae thought it was a trick.
She thought we'd bought it for her, so that the "bad people" could come get her.
Dresses mean easier access to little girls... and to their underpants...and... you get the drift. :(
She thought,. i was trying to set her up :(
Dammit, how that kid's mind works.
All i was trying to do was get her to see that it is ok to wear dresses now.. this isn't 25 years ago. I think that my therapist explained that to her, at least i hope so.
Tonight I bought Mae a new backpack-- she picked it out. Its sweet and innocent, blue corderoy with little flowers embroidered on it. It even LOOKS like it was made in the 1970's--- which is probably why Mae liked it so much.

I know this entry isn't making much sense, and doesn't have much of a point.
My mind is scattered into too many pieces tonight.
I am worried about going to therapy tomorrow. I had a dream that my therapist gave me the cold shoulder, and it makes me paranoid. I had a dream that I talked back to my dad, and he cut me off from the family. I am worried about Nobody and some pictures that she drew the other day that are very graphic. I am worried about some stories I found that I don't remember writing from about 17 years ago. I am overwhelmed with school starting and all the things I need to get accomplished tomorrow. I also have flashbacks and other things going on. All at once. Oh and plus, there are a lot of people needing a lot of things from me. Even after setting boundaries, I still have a lot to do (can you imagine what my life was like BEFORE i learned about boundaries? ack!)

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under: Asthma