ache

rough day. i just want to curl up. i need my therapist, i need to talk to her, i need to talk to her and be in her office, my next session is tuesday and that seems so far away. I'm having lots of flashbacks of being little-- of things that happened-- being forgotten or left behind in places, times of being in trouble.Its just difficult to deal with. i am so lonely. i got myself some things i could do today, like scrapbooking, but i'm so depressed that i've just been laying on the floor and staring at the tv lost in flashbacks. the switching hasn't been too bad, its mainly been between me and Mae today, but i've mostly been aware of it. But the things that she talks about just hurt. i just want to talk about this stuff with my therapist. she would know more about what Mae has been telling her and what everyone's been talking about. I dont know what to do with myself or with my mind. I feel so dumb because i am so lonely that I called my therapist's voice mail just so i could hear her voice. I just dont know what to do with all these memories and talking in my head. I feel so different and alone and like I'm the only one in the world who's a freak like this. I feel like a freak. I have an ache inside that never goes away.

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