Flashbacks started in kindergarten and 1st grade
This is so strange. I have been thinking about it a while, i just havent written it down or taked about it.
I remember being in 1st and 2nd grade, and having flashbacks,especially in school.
A certain smell of food would set me off in the school cafeteria-- I can't remember what it was, but it was food.
I would have flashes of bad stuff happening in kindergarten. But I would shut down.
I remember shaking my head and closing my eyes and trying to shake it off-- like i do now. I can remember my heart would start racing, and I'd go away. Like I do now.
I wonder if already back then, C**** and SadGirl were taking over for me...
(edited to add) I remember having flashbacks in 4th grade also. Whenever we'd go into the auditorium to watch filmstrips or movies. It'd be dark in there. I can see myself sitting there, watching Lollipop Dragon filmstrips. It was supposed to be fun. And I would be sitting there talking to my friends... and all of a sudden have flashes of memories that I didn't understand. And get dizzy and shakey.
I am so lonely still. My heart is hurting. I am still trying to keep busy today. I just want so badly for a friend to come spend time with me. I miss my best friend so much that I just keep curling up in a ball on the floor and concentrate on not letting myself fall apart.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under: The Bad Days
Pilgrim,
I understand your loneliness. I know it's not the same as having someone there next to you, but if you feel lonely, you are MORE THAN WELCOME to send me an e-mail, and I promise you will get one in return. It's not the same, but I am here for you. I know what it feels like to be a lost, lonely girl. I hope you find something to cheer you up...like a funny movie or a stupid joke.
"A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. The bartender says, "hey guy! what's wrong?" The man replies, "I caught my wife in bed with my best friend". Bartender: Oh, that's terrible! What did you say to your wife? Man: I said, it's over, get out! Bartender: What did you say to your best friend? Man: I looked him right in the eye, and said BAD DOG!"
I'm sorry, I know it's cheesy, but I hope you cracked a smile at the sheer stupidity.
=) Sarah