Feeling better
This is Pilgrim.
I feel a little bit better inside today.
I realized that the one who calls herself Nobody, who is usually suicidal and always trying to find ways to die, hasn't wanted to do that for a whole week now.
Which means I have gone a whole week without any suicidal thoughts. It makes things easier on me when I don't have someone in the back of my head pressing on me always saying "i want to die, you have to let me die, I have to go away."
She is actually working, I know she's been working with my therapist, and I've seen the things she's been doing. I dont know any specifics but I have a rough idea of the things they're talking about in therapy. It feels like for the 1st time, she is actually moving on a little bit, instead of being sTuck in her hole of sadness and depression. I think she's developing some sort of relationship with my therapist, and it seems like she even wants to reach out to the rest of us too-- and that's never happened before.
I'm actually sorta amazed... and a little proud. She's 17 and this is the 1st time she's ever wanted to come out from under her black cloud. Its actually kinda neat.
Today I am at home sick. I actually went to the doctor and took care of myself-- a big scary thing. Since SadGirl has been cooped up inside all week, I'm going to put in a children's movie for her to watch, and let her just have some time to herself as a reward. Today I feel like doing something to make her happy.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under: Biofeedback
Pilgrim--
I am so glad to hear that things are improving. I am so proud of you-- of all of you! Just as everyone always says, Things always get worse before they get better!! It must be true! I'm so proud-- you're so much stronger than you know. =D Keep smiling.
Sarah