on my own
I have made it through 2 days of handling everything on my own without spacing out or getting lost inside my head. TWO DAYS. I am kinda proud about that. This morning I had to pay some bills, did it just fine by myself without Missy. Friday I handled a rough morning at school by myself without C****. I even made it through the Walmart toy department without SadGirl coming out (although, I did have to walk really really fast through the aisles and not let myself look at anything.)
Friday at work was a little bit frustrating (not much but some) because all of my students who are all very very high needs all wanted my undivided attention constantly and they’ve all been sick which makes some of them whiney and some of them tired and some of them forget that they need to be nice, so this week we’ve had a lot of whining and crying and (so fun) throwing up and fevers in my class. Yesterday the kids were all hanging off me because of course they have to be touching me to believe they have my attention so I had 2 in my lap, 1 hanging on to each arm, 1 in my face, and 1 climbing on my back. Now normally this is just fine and something I love but I have been super tired so all I wanted to do was go home. I know that C**** would have handled things much better than yesterday. I was still kind and loving to the kids but I sure wasn’t feeling it.
Also my classroom computer died on me so I lost dozens and dozens of important files, even though I was backing things up as quickly as I could once I realized it was crashing. Luckily I found that C**** had at least backed up the kids report cards earlier in the month, yay C**** for helping without me knowing it! Boy was I glad to find that disk in my desk! That is something C**** is great for—she thinks of everything.
But I mostly handled things by myself and though I was very quiet and kept to myself I did sit with some other teachers at lunch. I didn’t really say anything though but I did eat in front of them.
Well anyway I just wanted to tell you some good news for a change, that I made it through 2 days on my own with no help from the others.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under: Biofeedback
Hey there Pilgrim,
I agree with Sarah, you should be really proud of yourself. I'm glad you were able to be you and see that you can handle things. Of course, it's tough
for you to keep from disassociating, and You Did It!
My love to all,
Judy
Pilgrim!
I was SO glad to read this entry and hear that you are doing so well. I am so proud of you! You should be more than "kinda proud" of yourself! You should pat yourself on the back more often. You definitely deserve it. You are such an inspiration. I hope you continue to progress like this!
Love--Sarah