*wham*
This is Pilgrim.
I have been laying low a lot.
The one who calls herself "nobody" has been working really hard in therapy this week with my T, and I've been just watching or staying away.
Plus, I've been sick. And I tend to stay away from situations where feelings are involved... its much easier to let the others handle all of the intense things that therapy brings up.
Most of the time, I try to remain in my own little non-aware world... in a fog of denial and unreality. Not just about life, not just about the things that happened to me as I was growing up, but even about
things that go on in the present. What war? What problems at work? What election? What difficulties at home/school/in the country/ in the world/ in therapy/ in my head?
But then things will happen, like today... that it just hits me. I can remain in denial for a lot of the time. Oh, those other people, they're not real. There's no SadGirl, C****, Nobody, Tuck, Claire, twins, whoever. I dont REALLY have anything wrong. Its my imagination (I try to convince myself.) Then things will happen like today. The nightmares that Nobody had this morning that woke her up--- that was definitely not me. Then I know that Nobody went to therapy today-- and she switched and out came Missy. Missy is absolutely, completely, a separate personality, the antithesis of what most of us want to be. (Man, I want to know what she said to our T also... I really hope she behaved herself.). Then this evening another switch and time loss happened again. It happened yesterday too. And then it hits me that dammit, this isn't made up, this isn't my imagination,i didn't invent them up...this is real.... it is all too real...
its overwhelming.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under: Biofeedback
''And then it hits me that dammit, this isn't made up, this isn't my imagination,i didn't invent them up...this is real.... it is all too real...
its overwhelming.''
I too like denial, it's a safe cozy place even if it means being a bit brain foggy. But then FMS strikes out and I know it's real.
Now I know FMS is no way near DID, but yes sweet gal, in your case it is real, and overwhelming. Keep working with S and hopefully things will calm and come together evenntually.
BTW I am so proud of NB for working on her therapy and not being suicidal. I really think she has more to get out in therapy and if and when she does there'll be one huge weight lifted. And a big step.
Hugs and Blessings, Judy