I've been reading your journal for some time, and I've thought about speaking up and leaving a comment, but I haven't really known what to say. I understand the incredibly loneliness you feel, and I wish there was something I could do to help you. My life has been turned upside-down in the past six months from anxiety and depression issues, although not DID. I hadn't even heard of DID until I came across your journal, in fact, but I've learned a lot from reading it and I'm glad I'm becoming educated about something I would have probably never come close to understanding otherwise. I have two best friends who've helped me through the past few months, and I feel that overwhelming loneliness and helplessness when they can't be there to help me. I can't imagine trying to deal with something like this alone, you're doing an amazing job. I'm only a kid, a freshman in high school, but I'd love to help you if there's any way I can. I can't relate to a lot of things you write about, but there are some things that sound all too familiar - dealing with a therapist, lonliness, wanting to give up. I feel strange telling you this because it's been said to me so many times lately, but please don't give up. Try to remember the good days you've had. I know it's hard, and I only have one person to convince while you have many more, but from what I've read here, I believe you can do it. Reading about your struggles has been very inspiring to me. Good luck getting through the week, and I'll be here listening and thinking about you. I'd be happy to be as much of a friend to you as the Internet will allow.

A friend

I know,and know matter how many times we say we want to die,we still keep waking up every morning to the same life,the same hell.We want out of it so bad,I beg God to let me die or let the devil take me,give me cancer or anything,just get me out of here!
I know your lonely,but your certainly not alone in this this hell.

But you do have your

husband
and your family,
and your sister really seems to care about you,cant you talk to her?

To "A friend"-- thank you for your lovely note.
To Teresa-- people are just very busy. I cannot get ahold of any of those people. They are busy All.the.time. And I dont want to force anyone to sit there and listen to me whine. But thank you.

(((((pilgrim)))) just wanted to send you a hug. i wrote to you on amj so i won't repeat it hear. i'm thinking of you. please IM me if you feel like talking.

If you are feeling like no one cares about you - there are many people who don't even know you who care about you a lot.

When my friend and I saw your most recent entries, we were heartbroken. (my friend is "a friend" from up there). We really hope you remember your good days, and get through this time.

Just know that there are two of us here praying for you.

~Jamilynn

Sorry to post again.

I just wanted to add that if you ever feel like you want to talk to someone else who you can talk to once and never again, you can always talk to me.

I know it's ridiculous because i'm only fifteen, but I'm the sort of person who doesn't rest until she knows she's offered every ounce of help she possibly can.

And I know that sometimes I just need someone to talk to, and the person I sometimes talk to is a girl on the internet because I know I don't ever have to see her if I don't want to. That makes it easier for me to say what I really feel.

Okay, I've walked out on that limb.

Still thinking of you, Pilgrim.

~Jamilynn

Jamilynn,
I really, really appreciate your notes, alot. I dont mind that you're "only" 15. Teenagers often have a lot more wisdom than adults.
You can e-mail me...
lostghostgirl@yahoo.com... I'd like to talk more with you. I thank you for your great kindness.

Sweet Pilgrim,
I'm sorry you didn't get to voice what you needed to say.

Then you wrote: i'm overwhelmed with painful memories and an aching heart this week. I feel like I just can't take any more. I just can't. I want it to all go away so bad. I want to check myself into the trauma unit of a local hospital and tell them "I'm not safe"... but then, how would I go to work tomorrow and earn my paycheck? Who would take care of things at home?

Honey, if you need to check yourself in, a sub will take your class, and your husband can take care of the rest. I worry most that you are alone and you are 'not safe'.

Do what you need to do for YOU!

Hugsand Blessings,Love, Judy

I'm trying hard to keep my tears to myself because you realte totally to me. I just went off the phone with my aunt and told her that I pray every night to die while I 'm sleeping. I feel so weak, so tired, everybody is eating me up, and I don't know how to defend myself, I guess I'm just to afraid fro people to do so, but at least I admmited that people frighten me, but not all people. I hate this.
I wish I could help myself and you. I just don't know what to do anymore. The good thing is that no matter how rough the road gets, I have this conviction (probably you do too) that tommorow will be better, and that the good days are coming. I've had this conviction ever since I started being miserable as a kid, and I've discovered this lately because I probably wanted to know what was keeping me going. I feel strong when I'm alone, but infront of some people I'm afriad, someone told that was normal, it probably is, but I need validation.

Desperate,
I am so sorry that you feel this way too...
I hope you can find someone to talk to.