Feeling a little more able to deal

This morning i went to therapy and now I'm feeling like I can handle things a little bit better. I was so tired when I got there, because I'm still not getting nearly enough sleep. I had a terrible nightmare last night, that I was hanging out with my friend and my sister at my aunt's house. We were having a good time. Then my parents came in. And somehow they got in a room alone with my friend and sister for a few minutes. Then all of a sudden, my friend and sister turned "cold" and distant. Their eyes got cold and mean and their voices got harsh.
"We found out what you're really like," they kept telling me. "WHAT? " i was begging. "Mom and Dad told us who you REALLY are. You're nothing but a liar and a cheater and a fool. You have never told the truth to any of us. Dad said all you do is LIE. He and mom said that you DID have a perfectly happy childhood and they were PERFECT PARENTS." "You made all of those stories up. You're nothing but a liar." It was terrifying. Mom and dad had gotten to them, and brain-washed my friend and sister. It was awful. I kept begging them to believe me, that I really AM telling the truth, but their eyes and hearts had turned against me, and I knew there was nothing I could do. Everything was hopeless, and I woke up scared to pieces.

So I went to therapy tired, scared, and worried, not to mention stressed out. I basically complained the whole time about all I have to do and how stressed out I am. My therapist is so good. She took notes and kept asking me, "What else is there?" She's so nice to sit there and let me whine and yawn. I did also tell her about some fun things that happened over the weekend because I'm trying to find some things to help balance out all the stressed. My therapist helped me see all the stuff that's I'm doing that's stressing me out (which is REALLY way too much), some things that I'm spending too much time stressing about that I need to cut back on and can, and we talked about prioritizing my time and needs. Its really difficult with like 8 people in my head who all have their own needs and agendas. There isn't enough time in the day.

But I feel better getting all that stuff out of my head. And I feel like I have a concrete way of handling some of it now and can prioritize a little better. I dont have to spend ALL DAY every day worrying about EVERY thing. I can pick and choose what I'm going to do just for today, and save some things for tomorrow or another day.

Then I went to my psychiatrist and got my sleeping meds changed to something else that may help me sleep better and longer during the night. Hopefully the new pill will help. I am hopefull. I'll try anything at this point to get a better night's sleep. I dont do well if I don't have a good foundation of sleep to start off my day.

I also bought a notebook for myself/selves. I think we need to have some structure like the hospital gave us as a group. We talked about it inside and we're going to start doing a daily check in and have regular daily meetings so all talk together.

I also ate a chicken sandwich in a fast food restaurant today. Like a normal person. :)

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:

1. Posted by Judy on May 31, 2005