The Kids are about to stage a coup
ARGHHH.... the inside kids are about to stage a coup... and I dont really blame them.
All summer long I've had to rest and be really careful of what I do because my health hasn't been too great. Well now, things are getting a little better, and my doctor says its ok for me to be up and around more, thank goodness! So all summer I have been bribing and cajoling the inside kids with, "We'll go ________ or ______ or (name a fun place) once we're allowed to." Well now we ARE allowed to. And yet, here we sit at home because there's no one to go any place with. Friends are few and far between, the ones I have are busy, family is far away, everyone has fair reasons for not being able to do stuff. We ask, but people are busy or otherwise held up. OK.
The inside kids have fits. "BUT YOU SAID WE COULD!!!" they yell and cry and whine. I try to calm them down. "Just wait, it'll be ok." Well, that only works for so long. Yes, I am an adult and I can be patient. THEY CANT. They are 5 and 8 and 10 and inbetween, and they've been locked up most of their lives, and THEY WANT TO PLAY AND THEY WANT TO DO IT NOW. *sigh*
Sometimes we can go to the park to swing, or go to the batting cages. Those are fun times. They are like little teasers of what's out there. Its plenty enough for me. But the kids want more. "PLEASE!! Please again!" "Can we go again tomorrow?" They dont understand the idea that I have work to do, or that we dont have money to go again, or that I have to be careful because it takes money to put gas in the car to drive somewhere, or that my husband is busy or doesnt feel well. They just want to play.
Today I was going to go somewhere fun with them. A treat. But then, my husband says, wait a few days, and you and I will go. Keep in mind, this has been said before. But ok, I'll give him another chance. Try to be patient. The kids inside SCREAM. "NO! YOU SAID TODAY! You SAID SO!" I try to remind them, that we need to be patient ("We're tired of being patient! You always say that! You dont understand! I'm sick of this! I want to get away!" From then on out, everyone's in a bad mood, looking for ways to sneak in some self- injury--- so now I have to deal with that.
So instead I went to the mall--- we'll get a body massage, which we've been wanting to do all summer, haven't had one since May--- that'll be oool and feel good, won't it? ("NO! BORING!") Well, it'll be fun for me, and it'll feel good on all ur sore muscles, and while its going on, we'll have an inside meeting and talk, okay?
HMPH, say the kids grudgingly. FINE. OK. At least its SOMETHING.
But I got to the mall-- theyre not doing body massages on Thursdays anymore, so we schedule one for tomorrow night. I'm slightly exasperated, but its ok. I'm an adult, I can be patient, slightly impatient, but I can wait til tomorrow.
But the kids say THAT IS ENOUGH! I AM RUNNING AWAY!
They take over, and I'm in the back now.
Off we go to the shoe store. I WANT NEW SHOES AT LEAST! Well, at least they head to Payless. They want new shoes, but I wouldn't buy them any. We have tons of shoes at home, I tell them. They try on cowboy boots (ick!) Can we at least have COWBOY BOOTS? They are so pretty! says Mae, the 5 year old, who recalls that our therapists daughter wears cowboy books. I looked at the price tag: $29.99. Forget it. We can't afford that. The cowboy boots go back on the shelf, and Mae pouts. YOU ARE NOT FUN.
I sighed. All right, we're out of here.
We went into the bookstore across the way and looked at books. But instead Tuck, Mae, and company whine, WE ARE TIRED OF BOOKS! You ALWAYS buy us books! We WANT to ride a roller coaster or go down a water slide. NOT BOOKS!
Fine. I left the bookstore.
Luckily, I spy a new Dollar Store and agree, there might be things we can afford there. The kids eye all the new, cool stuff there. Sparkley things, beads, watches. Right up their alley. I smiled. THANK GOD. This will keep them occupied for a while! Which it did. We wandered semi-peacefully up and down the aisles for 30 minutes, with them asking for just about everything. We ended up with a new watch (which we did really need) for $5 and a huge sparkly purple butterfly to hang in the car window. On the way out, Mae spots some glasses that she just HAS to have: the ones the girl in Harry Potter wears. I have never read a word of Harry Potter, or seen the movies, and to my knowledge neither have the kids, but Mae HAS TO HAVE THESE GLASSES PLEEEEASE. TODAY. RIGHT NOW. AND BESIDES YOU OWE ME CUZ WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE WATER PARK TODAY ANYWAY. Since they are pretty cute, and I've always wanted a pair of round glasses anyway, I agree to spend a couple bucks and get them anyway. Now I have a feeling Mae is going to be wearing her round Harry Potter glasses around the house like a costume. Oh my gosh, if she wears them in public.... oh boy. But she's right, I probably ought to get them, because I've disappointed her time and time again this summer.
The on the way out, their final revenge: the candy store.
Candy. Which I TRY to keep out of the house, or buy in small amounts. BUT IT ISNT FAIR YOU KEEP BORING THINGS TO EAT!! WE WANT CANDY! My body is pulled toward the candy store and they get chocolate and gummies, and dig right in. I'm going to get a stomach ache. I know I am. The one particular chocolate tastes like paint to me. But the kids love it. ITS NOT YOURS ANYWAY SO DONT EAT IT! they remind me when I mention it tastes like paint. ITS GOOD!
I'm trying to do right by them. I am. There are plenty of manuals out there for parents who are raising external children, how to handle them, how to talk to them, what to do with them when they are misbehaving or crying or need a time out. But there aren't any for "What to do when your INTERNAL children take over at the mall" or "How to give your littles a time out when YOU need to get some shopping done." I wish I could figure all this out.
I am so tired. I think its time for a nap. Even though they want to color, play ball outside, and do some crafts. This will be my second nap today. I cant help it. They wear me out, and I cant get away from them, ever.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
Shae, thank you for your comment. I'm glad that you got something out of my posts. I try to update several times a week. If you would like to visit our web board for multples also, I believe the link is off to the right. Its called "A Mind's Journey."
hello. this is going to seem really odd, because i'm a random person... but i read this entry and i know exactly what you mean, and the fact that someone else understands my apprehension to driving almost made me cry. something so simple, i know, but ... this is just too hard, sometimes.
as another young person with alters, i find you immensely comforting. thank you for updating this blog. i will continue to read it every day.
-s