Going back to the scene of the crime

This night.
This is when everything changed.
This evening, this time of night.

This is what Pilgrim wrote somewhere else:

2 or 3 summers ago, I went back to where...to where he took me that night.
It was...surreal. Painful. It was like I could hear what happened, see what happened. So many ghosts from the past there. I was by myself, but had my cell phone with me, and tried to leave a message for my therapist. It was so hard to speak at all. But I think overall, it was helpful. To see that really, what happened there is NOT still happening. I am really NOT still 17 years old and trapped there. I can go back and observe. I can leave.
I can walk away now.

But me... jo... i am still 17. i am still trapped there. i am still 17. i am still THERE. i can see the night so clearly. i can feel his hands. i can see his face. i can remember what happened. it doesn't stop and I cannot just walk away. She is older. She and Caroline... they grew up and moved on. i haven't. i dont know how. i still am there. i am one of the ghosts from the past.

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