Therapy and home: a paradox
The skills I'm learning in therapy make me feel so much better. I'm learning to speak up, to use my voice, to think for myself, to set boundaries. It makes me feel like I get to be myself. Even at work, the skills I learn work there better too. I feel like I do a better job of taking care of my students because of being able to do these newly learned skills. But they don't really work so well at home. With my parents and my husband though, I feel like its better and safer if I just stay how I always was-- quiet, shy, and kept to myself, no voice. I get the distinct impression (through the words and actions of my husband, dad, and mom ) that it is definitely NOT ok to talk. I am supposed to agree with whatever they say. My sister, therapist, nutritionist, doctors, and online friends are the only ones i feel are supportive of me and the inside people. At home and with my parents, I try very hard to keep it hidden because it is not accepted and definitely NOT ok.It makes me really sad.I just need to shut up.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
Aww, hun. That's just your negative brain patterns talking. I'm sure your husband cares about you and would like to see you get better, and the only way to do that is to force yourself to talk to him. I know I'm not going through what you're going through, but I do understand communication problems. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years and I still have trouble talking to him. When I get upset or angry I just shut down and have a hard time communicating how I'm feeling or why I'm upset. I still struggle with it, but the more you force yourself to do it, the easier it will be. Once you realize he won't react negatively it shouldn't be so scarey. As for your parents, from what you've said about them they may never change. I guess you just have to accept them for who they are, but also know that their feelings towards you should have nothing to do with how you value yourself. It sounds like maybe they just didn't know how to deal with a child. Anyways, I think you rock! Hehe. Take care hun.