Flashbacks, Nightmares, My Skin is on Fire

I haven't had as many nightmares lately. Its been a little easier to sleep since I've been so tired out.
But last night made up for everything.

I had this terrible nightmare last night that my dad raped me.
It felt so real. The dream was just so real. It was so fucking FAMILIAR. Like it had all happened before. It makes me want to throw up. It was horrendous. I woke up crying and my skin crawling. The body memories and yelling in my head are terrible. I left a message on my T's voice mail even though she's on vacation. I just had to let someone know what was going on. She won't even be back in town til Tuesday. I feel so yucky and dirty and sick to my stomach. I want to throw up and throw up and throw up. I want to cut all my skin off. It was just too REAL . I can't stop thinking about it. I could barely work today. I cant stand to be touched right now. I didn't eat much today. I don't deserve to eat today. I feel so... nobody-ish.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under: