Not another one.

I do not even want to BELIEVE this one. JEEEESH.

So, I've been having trouble with more eating disorder stuff lately. Some part the other night took over while I was journaling, this part we've all assumed is "The Fat Girl", that's all we've ever referred to her as--- we all assumed it's Jo.
Writing about how she's not ready to give up the anorexia and she's losing everything she worked so hard for.

Well today in group (I went back to DID group today)... I was sitting there, and felt all of a sudden like I was being taken over again, like I was just watching my body. I could see my hands folded in my lap, and I was far away from my body, it wasn't my body, I was just looking down on this other person, and... there was this other person there.
And then I heard someone inside say "I'm Anna."
And "Anna" is sitting there looking around at the people in group not exactly recognizing anyone, and then all of a sudden I am sucked back inside my body and filling it up again and Anna is gone.

oh, shit.

No, No, NO, NO. Lets NOT go there. Lets NOT have another person reveal herself. Things are working along just fine right now. We're all working hard and working on core beliefs and working together a little better, and all I want to do is keep Mae from freaking out like she randomly does, like she did last night out of nowhere.
And now the family anorexic who's always been this ghost-like "fat girl" we've all sort of made reference to as a non-entity all of a sudden decides to announce herself TODAY that her name is Anna (the similarity to the word anorexia is not lost on me) and let us know that she is the one behind the writing the other night?
COME ON!!

I need this to STOP. NOW. They need to all SHUT UP and move out of my head. Really. They need to just... shut the hell up, all of them, and leave me alone. Because I feel like a goddamn crazy person.
Maybe I should not even talk about her. Maybe I should ignore her. Like when a couple other people popped up... I refuse to acknowledge them at all, so, they don't talk to my therapist, they just hang around inside, and do their thing, and the only ones who talk about them or talk to them are the kids.
Maybe if I ignore everyone inside long enough, they will go away.
THIS IS NOT MY LIFE. I do NOT have multiple personalities. (Missy is griping: oh, having a little problem with denial today, are we? She can shut the heck up. ) NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO ME. Why would I even NEED them? Nothing ever happened.
This girl "Anna", as sweet as she sounds, just needs to check out.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:

1. Posted by Michael Silent on March 9, 2006

2. Posted by Tracy on March 13, 2006