I am worried sick, and chaos inside

I have so much chaos in my head right now. And I'm worrying myself sick.
All day I've been pacing and I barely got any sleep last night.
Cant calm down. Keep trying to take deep breaths but its difficult.
My sister is in the hospital.
Her baby is supposed to be born today (good news!)
I want MORE THAN ANYTHING to be there with her. More than ANYTHING. I wish to God that I had just flown up there like we were thinking maybe to. I wish more than anything else that I was there.
I got a little update several hours ago directly from my sister-- she was in labor.
But I have heard NOTHING since then. NOTHING. I keep trying to call, no answer. I tried calling my mom
on her cell phone, but all of a sudden its the wrong goddamn number!!! When the HELL did my mom change her cell phone? NICE OF HER TO TELL ME!
I can't get ahold of ANYONE.
I am scared to death right now. I cant think. I am just scared to death. With my sister's pregnancy, no news isn't necessary good news. :(
i am so scared. I WISH SOMEONE WOULD CALL!
My mom said she would call with an update and she HASNT.
My sister said she would call with an update but at least SHE has an excuse-- she's in labor! My other family though-- NO EXCUSE.
I cant get ahold of anyone and I am scared to death and I am so worried about my sister and I'm just terrified and its causing inside people to act up and Mae is just scared to pieces and acting up
and i wish i was there and I'm just feeling like the worst sister in the world for not rushing up to be there. Why did I listen to my sister and stay here? I should have just gone there. Why am I still on the other side of the country?
I SHOULD BE WITH HER!
What if sometihng is going wrong?
What if something is happening? And I dont know about it?
I keep praying that things are ok but I WISH SOMEONE WOULD JUST CALL AND LET ME KNOW!!! I AM SO SCARED!!!

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under: