Trying to make friends and having DID
Tomorrow is the 1st day of school and I'm trying to make some new friends this year. So far it has been going ok. We have a few new teachers at my school, and they are very nice. I'm supposed to be mentoring them, so we've been hanging out quite a bit. Two of us went out to lunch the other day, even. I'm trying hard to be friendly, outgoing, and all the other things you're supposed to be doing when trying to make friends. I hope it works. Even my husband has met them already. One of them even suggested that maybe we have get-togethers this year to go out and have some fun. As long as its not meeting at bars, I think its a great idea. Its been such a long time since I went out with a friend. I need some friends so badly. It helps that we are all teachers-- that gives us all a common ground.
What worries me about trying to make friends is that, having DID, I feel like I can't even be honest with them. I will always have to hide a large part of my life from them. Sure, after a long time, we may be friendly enough to get to know each other better, where we delve deeper into each other's lives (although as new friends, I cannot imagine it right now.) But if we were friends for so long that we were able to talk to each other for real.... I can't imagine EVER, EVER, being able to say anything like "by the way, the teacher you've been talking to is actually Caroline; we have DID...."
I can just see them running the other direction as fast as they can.
We've already been the route of trusting a close friend with that secret who promised they would stick by us, and then seeing them cut us off from their lives. She hurt us too much. Not just the adults, she hurt the kids more than she will ever know. We will not ever trust someone with that information again.
This presents a huge dilemma. How do you make friends, and let someone into your life, even a little, yet know you are keeping a giant secret about who you really are?
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
good advice from the real me, there is no rule that says i have to reveal this about me right now or even later. this is not show and tell this is your life and you have to protect all of your inner parts.
peace and blessings
john and keepers
i think there is a real need to be known and understood. this need drives us to want to open up and reveal ourself to someone. if this need is not met it can turn into a craving that makes us do stupid things like open up to people who do not deserve to see our real self.
knowing how to make friends has been a real problem for us too. we want friends we can hang out with and maybe go to a movie with, but we also want one or two people who really know us, understand us, and love us just for who we are. those people are rare and so we don't open up fully to anyone. so it is hard. it's like being hungry yet never getting full.
i understand and i hear your pain. it helps to have different levels of friendships most surface and maybe one or two closer and deeper. currently our therapist is the only one who knows us all and it is helping. we aren't so hungry that we try to tell "friends" too much and we can enjoy the level of friendship they offer without demanding it be more.
lael
When I was still teaching, I had some friends from the same school. We hung out together, went places, talked about school stuff and other things, not laying out our whole lives. And, it was good. I have had very few friends that I've told about the DD and that was after a long long time. And, it doesn't really come up a lot in our relationships. I CAN share that part of me when I want to. I just don't need to that much. No need to feel like you're hiding something. Your new friends are not likely to bare their entire lives before you either, not unless you have ten or more years together.
So, just enjoy what you have with them now, and let the relationships take their own course. And have fun!