holiday stress DID style
Things are worse. Depression is worse and not sleeping and flashbacks are going on all the time. Mae wishes she was dead and didn't get to talk to our therapist last night and she went in upset,didn't get to talk, got in trouble, and came out more upset, then Missy yelled at her and made things even worse-- now she's inconsolable. I feel like i can't function. just a walking zombie. robot. did a lot of stupid things last night and tonight. i can't stop the racing thoughts and flashbacks. So many of us need to talk to our therapist so badly before we go home for the holidays next week and we only have 1 more session left before we go. And what if it gets cancelled, what if there's bad weather, what if T gets sick, what if something else happens and we don't get to see her? Already cutting and throwing up and can't take the stress and feel like i'm circling the drain. Mae keeps crying. My heart is hurting. I'm exhausted. Even Caroline is exhausted-- and she's supposed to be the strong one.Everything is wrong. Everyone's in a big panic. We're just a huge disappointment to everyone.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
Me either. Sorry things are so stressful and sorry that I am the cause of most of it!
I hope your T is able to really listen next week. Any way you can set up an emergency extra appointment?!?! She knows how crazy things are at home...and she must know that you need it.
I know it's hard...very hard...not to give in to the hurtful behaviors. Just remember that they only provide temporary relief. :-(
Love,
Your Sis
PS: Tell Mae that I got her a Christmas present okay?
Love,
Your Sis
she doesnt have time for an emergency appt. we tried that. :(
A line from a Bob Dylan song comes to mind:
"I wish that there was something I could do or say!"
How about that - can't handle constructive feedback, so my comment gets deleted? As I said, it's all about YOU at the end of the day. Stop protecting everyone inside of you and learn being yourself, just the one of you. It's hard to handle bad events in the past, but they are in the PAST. Nevermind, once you read this, you'll remove it anyway.
Bailey- constructive feedback?
How about this! How would you like to hear-
Bailey, it's all about YOU at the end of the day. Obviously since YOU find it necessary to come to a survivor's blog to say crap so that it will make YOU feel better. I betcha go around telling people to "get over it" and "pull themselves up by their boot straps."
Pilgrim is real and honest and she totally deserves the respect for her bravery and the hard work she does to heal! And for that matter-- everyone inside Pilgrim!
So like would you like to be feeling like crap and having a totally crappy day and then someone basically tells you to get over it and who cares about your feelings? Well that's what ya just did and I think that is totally rude.
Oh yah and just so ya know, there isn't ONE person-- there are many sharing a physical body.
Billie
I'm sorry it's so stressful for you right now. You aren't a disappointment to me.