My year in review
The Year in Review
So here we are sitting up on New Year’s Eve working on …well, work…trying to catch up on things since we were gone all of vacation. Do we know how to party or what? Sitting here doing school work as everyone else parties in New York.
We’re looking back over our journal for the past year--- and just going to type a few sentences or words from this year’s journal entries to review things that have gone on this year. I was going to do some reflecting on things I did this year, but being exhausted and a bit frazzled at this point, all I can do for the moment is copy and paste:
We've come to some realizations as we make plans to usher in 2006.
Some of which my therapist has challenged us to ponder and write down and study as the new year comes in.It sounds and feels unbelievable, but inside, we are finally starting to change.
So far things are going fairly well for 2006. I have been eating better and getting some exercise, hoping making healthy decisions.
I wish I could be a mom. My sister is pregnant right now, and there are times when I get jealous of her.
It ISNT denial when I tell T that those bad things didnt happen to me!!! they just happened to my body! NOT ME! My body is NOT ME
Our therapist said she would talk with Mae, but I dont know how much good it will do if Mae is not talking back. She is once again acting like a traumatized little frightened child again and wont let us know why.
The best thing for me to do is hide.
The skills I'm learning in therapy make me feel so much better.
There's so much inside my head that it doesn't all fit. Doesn't fit inside my head, doesn't fit inside my body.There is so much inside that is all built up that I need to talk about.
this is not my life. really.
We saw on someone’s website… they were describing all their inside people. In POSITIVE, nice ways. That’s an odd idea.
We have been too wrapped up in talking about each other like our families talk about each other-- negative. And griping.An idea just occurred to us that maybe other families don’t do this.
One of the things that was in my homework for this week for therapy was to learn about the concept of Mindfulness.
I've been thinking about progress I've made since I've been in therapy, so I started making a list.
My therapist sat on the couch by me and we had THAT conversation again.... the one I completely hate. Inpatient.
All my therapist seems to want to talk about is getting me into a treatment center. All I want to talk about is staying OUT of one. We are definitely at odds.
My therapist told me the other day that she's worried about me, that she fears that she's running out of time with me. Read: she thinks I'm going to die before we can save me. She is pushing me harder and harder to work at recovery more.
Tomorrow is the 1st day of school and I'm trying to make some new friends this year. So far it has been going ok.Today we went out to lunch with a couple of friends. Ate a sandwich and and a soda. Chatted some and even laughed.
This morning I went to see my nutritionist. I love her. She weighed me though-- I have lost more weight. She isn't exactly thrilled with me
We're so lonely. Its amazing that with a dozen people inside, you can still be lonely.
I'm fairly good at managing the stress in my own life (if you can quantify living as a multiple as "managing")
All in all not too bad a year I’d say.
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