You hit the nail on the head, all right. Nobody can take all the progress we make and turn in to confetti like our parents. I sooo understand.

we too know and understand all to well and are sorry for you to feel the same. ours have now passed on but when they were alive it was always a hope of ours especially from our mother but it never happened. the day after she passed though, we were set free is so many ways.

peace and blessings

keepers

There is no pain quite like the pain of parental rejection. I know that song and dance all too well, that clumsy attempt to win their love and approval. I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this. Several years ago I had to end my relationship with my mother, as I finally saw that I could jump through hoops until Doomsday and it wouldn't change a thing. She didn't want me to be ok! Sometimes all we can do is disconnect from those who are toxic. But you may not be ready for that yet, so in the meantime I wish you well. These are hard issues to deal with.

hello mae
tis good ting u b sayin wot u need, to go home to mommy...home not always where they say it is... tis more often in the heart
our bigun had to leave parents and shut the door on them NEVER see them again...
maybe pilgrim one day be strong to do that if she needs to, but tis not your problem
u jus tell her how u feel eh

for me the best day was when i realized that family is not chosen. we inherit them. and because of that it's lucky at best that we will like the people that they already are. usually it works out because they have groomed us to have the same values that they have. but if they didn't, or if our values do not become their values then it is never guaranteed that we will like them and much less that they will like us.

i think that the biggest hurdle for us as adults is to realize that our parents are human. open to frailty and fallibilty just like we are. being a parent doesn't suddenly give them the ability to be a better person just because we need them to be that.

what i found is that if i truely believed in myself, in my values and in the morales that i live by then i have to learn to put their behaviours and attitudes on the same level as any person that i know but don't necessarily want to mirror my life after.

i love my parents but their words have less power then they once did. i weight them along side all new information i receive and accept or dismiss that information based on how it fits into who i am and who i ultimately want to become.

this allows me to have a relationship with them, to love them for who they are but not to let them hurt me with thoughtless, careless words and actions.

I disagree with Jax. As an adult we choose our families and can bring people into our family circle and remove people from our circle as we please. The most important thing is to do the best thing for our emotional and mental health.

I recently told my mother that I wanted no more contact with her. Probably the most difficult thing I have ever done. But she was poison to me and my immediate family. We literally became sick (caught colds, etc.) after every angry, resentful, selfish communication. My mental state (bipolar) is fragile enough without a "family member" who cares so little that she is willing to sabotage it for her own needs.

As adults we are free to add to our family and remove from our family at will. She may still be my mother, but she has been removed from my life until I choose to bring her back in. She, at that time, may choose not to renew our relationship, but that will be her choice.

i think you've misread my post. what i mean be inherited family is our parents, brothers, sisters, aunts & uncles. these people are our relations whether we want them to be or not. there is a biological connection. based on what you wrote we are basically saying the same thing although our methods are slightly different. although i haven't shut my parents off from my life i have taken away their power by putting them in a less powerful place.

for pilgrim my point is that if you aren't ready to shut your parents out completely then maybe figuring out a way to give them less power in your life might be a good compromise.