My therapy session was cancelled
Our therapist e-mailed us today and cancelled our session for tonight. Finding out by e-mail is a really crappy, cruddy way to find out. All day long I was waiting for my phone to ring to see if she'd call, then at the end of the day I get a lousy e mail. Not all e-mails go through to my work e-mail so I'm lucky it came through because otherwise I would have driven over an hour to get to her office. When I got home tonight the original e-mail at my home address said she could barely talk so I guess that's why she didn't call. Still. E-mail is a crappy way to find out.
I couldn't eat today. I tried to eat some lunch but could barely get anything down. As soon as I got home I started to cry. What am I supposed to do? Tuesday is therapy day. Its on the schedule. EVERY Tuesday. Its what we do. Tuesday=therapy. I can't seem to let it go. I have to follow a routine. Its the only thing that keeps things ok. Today the routine is off. It feels like things are about to fly off into space.
We really, really needed to go today. Holding everything in from 1 week to the next is really hard. We go 1 time a week for 2 hours and its really hard to hold everything in from one Tuesday to the next. We journal and do art and collages but it still doesn't get everything off. We need to TALK. We need to process things. And last week was a really cruddy appointment. We didn't get to talk about anything we needed to, T told Mae she wasn't in a place to talk to her so Mae has been really really upset, Thursday night was a REALLY bad & triggering appointment with our nutritionist and Jo ran out, Friday there was something on Dr Phil that caused really bad flashbacks. We haven't been doing okay at all. We were all counting on today and counting down the days left til we could see her today.
I'm not handling it well. At all. Self-injuring and not eating. And I'm afraid to leave a message or e-mail T at all. Because it might come off as trying to manipulate her (ie, "See!! We're doing so bad NOW because you cancelled on us!!"....when we've actually been doing really bad since Thursday night), and because she isn't feeling good...and because last week she was telling Caroline how frustrated she is with us and she didn't want to talk to Mae. We need to let her know whats going on so bad but we're so afraid to...
Next Tuesday is so far away and I feel like I can't make it.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
things are not ok. inside is chaos. it feels like rocks are falling. like we're being punished. this is not ok.
Hi...we read your journal from time to time. We can relate a lot and it helps us as well.
We could really, really relate to a canceled session and what that does to our system, and also about struggling and holding it in and having to wait week to week and then not being able to talk and process. We also just went through a week of our system being upset with our therapist and not really knowing what she really meant, if we understood it, feeling shamed by what she said, etc., and all the while in a position where it didn't feel safe or okay or it would be "bad" or 'manipulating' if we called to check in with her before we saw her again. Anyway, a lot of rambling about our stuff. Mostly really trying to say that we could really relate and we hear yous and we're so sorry you're having such a tough time. Can you email her this journal entry or part of it or something? Just a thought.
Just know that we are thinking of you and you are not alone. We hear you, hear your pain, your struggles, and please take good care of yourselves the best that you can.
Julies
I'm sorry you're having a terrible time. I feel that your T has let you down again. I hope we can chat this weekend.
Love,
Your Sis
Please take care..
cancelled sessions are really sucky..but there's nothing much you can do, don't be hard on yourself...
Just concentrate on getting through the day each day, just hang on, and it'll be next week soon..
*hug*
So sad to hear that you are not good. I think about you a lot.
My dad had avery bad heart attack so I will be at the hospital for a while.
Just take it one second at the time.
You friend from Quebec
when we were in therapy cancelled sessions tore us apart just like yours. like you said you are planning on it, trying to wait for that chance to say what you need to say and then the rug is pulled out from beneath you. we understand the hurt