Okay, I just have to say- I may be umm- we have ED issues but NOT- that SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF US. And REALLY REALLY worries us for you. Because- if that's not doctored then I doubt she's able to get up on her own. She looks like someone from a concentration camp IF that. If THAT is what you're comparing yourself to when you say you're not skinny- then hon, you aren't going to be "skinny enough" until your DEAD. And I dont' want you to be dead. This indicates to me that things are NOT going well for you.

Hello Pilgrim.
Is it Pilgrim today - the one controlling the food intake?
I would try to protect your little children from seeing this picture if I were you. Even for a 14-year-old it is shocking.
Sometimes I wanted to shock people too. Because I felt that people go about their everyday, mundane lives with NO IDEA of the horror that can be part of this life.
For me, that horror was being raped by my Dad.
You know what, though, if you met me - you might think I was a bit skinny too because I find it hard to want to eat enough sometimes - and you might want to shock me. But actually I know the depths of horror and sadness which can be part of the most normal-seeming lives.
Well, I don't expect you wanted to hurt your readers - and you haven't.
Do take care of yourself Pilgrim and take care of little Mae if she has seen that scary picture of what you say you want her body to look like.
She needs all your compassion for yourself and so do you.

Well... I didn't intend this picture to be shocking. I don't think its shocking or scary. I think she looks pretty. I don't think she looks bad, I think she looks perfect. Mae has seen this picture before, many times.
I didn't intend to hurt anybody or scare anybody. This is just a picture of what I consider a perfect body, that's all. Sorry.

Ok, I didn't understand this.
I am wondering if this is a picture of someone you knew? How long was it before she died? Did you get the chance to say goodbye or go to the funeral? I think we always think our friends are beautiful, as we love them even if they are very sick.
If little Mae has seen the picture, she might ask you why the girl is so skinny. I wonder if you would you be able to tell her the reason why. I don't expect it was just for beauty...

We don't know this girl. We must have found her picture on the internet, or something.
Mae doesn't ask questions like that... she understands about what it takes to be skinny. Our mom always talked about having "big thighs" and how after she had kids she got "big" (she wasn't really).
I don't know... we didn't intend this to be controversial or anything... just wanted to show what we think is an ideal body.

Well, it is certainly topical what with the Ana Carolina Reston and Donatella Versace stories recently. I'm sorry though, I thought this was a blog of someone someone DID "learning to work together and lead a better life"

sorry but some of us also have eating disorders as well. i'm not perfect and into recovery like Caroline.
this post just happened to be MY opinion. i never said it was representative of everyone inside.
jo

Hi Pilgrim, I've never seen your site before today, and I think it is really fascinating and that you are really brave to write about yourself (selves) in the way that you do. Thank you.

I also wanted to say that I find this picture quite distressing, as the girl in it is nothing but skin and bones, a skeleton. I agree that she looks beautiful, but I hope that you can see that she also looks like she is about to die. She is very ill indeed.

Her beauty is in her eyes, not in her figure, which is distressingly thin.

Pilgrim/ Caroline

I think you need to give all your help to Jo at the moment.
It looks as if she has been showing the above photo to Mae, and telling her this is an ideal woman. This is very abusive of Mae.

Jo needs all the help and guidance you can give her.
Some strong statements here telling Jo what is beautiful in a body - energy, love for the self and others, healthiness - would be a good start...

Good luck, it won't be easy as Jo may be quite suicidal. But I think you can do it!

it is a distressing picture. not because it could hurt those inside, as i'm sure that they've grown up believing that that is a normal body type, but because of the health consequences that attaining such a body type would result in.

i know that when you look in a mirror that what you see looking back at your is distorted, looks larger then it really is. and so i wonder where you would have to be in order to see that image in the mirror. and it scares me.

the girl in that image looks energetic, even lively. but the truth of the matter is that that body type could not support physical activity. it would have no nutrients to draw on to get the energy needed to go to school, to play with the children everyday even to get out of bed unassisted.

the realities of becoming that body type is not healthfulness. your body REQUIRES nutrients in order to function. your bones REQUIRE nutrients to maintain their bone density in order to keep you vertical. this isn't a choice, this is a requirement. your body doesn't bend to the will of your mind, but reacts and responds to the lack of nutrients that it is getting and begins to feed on itself.

please, jo. please think about all the efforts you have all made over this past year and try to see that not compromising on this vision will physically hurt everyone inside.

i hope that you will do your own research on what the body needs to not just survive but to be healthful and choose being healthy over sickly.

i pray for you all everyday.

We already know these things.
We already all know what Mae sees. Mae doesn't want to look this way. Mae wants to look like our T, who is healthy and pretty. She's 5. She know whats looks good in reality.
God, i didn't mean to cause such a huge problem... i'm not talking about what i think about this anymore.
maybe caroline needs to just erase this whole stupid post of mine. i'm really sorry i even brought it up. i KNOW i'm stupid, okay? I didn't bring it up for a huge debate. i KNOW my brain doesn't work right. i KNOW this already. i know i have a big problem. i'm TRYING to get better. i already know i am way screwed up.
jo

please don't be upset. you are NOT stupid. no one is saying that. we are just concerned for you.

the internet is a very strange place because even though we don't know all of you, we have become invested and are naturally concerned and wanting the best for you.

I'm sure I've seen the picture before even though you deleted it.

When I see someone so very skinny it gives me a rock in my stomach. I fear for their life, for the things they've given up for being thin....namely their strength.

Don't give up your strength as a woman in the pursuit of what you or others perceive as thin enough. There is so much more to life. Don't exhange your strength and vitality for anything....

Love,
Your 236 pound Sis

Pilgrim/Jo: You didn't cause problems by your post. The reason so many people said what they did is that they are concerned. Nobody is saying anything bad about you. They are all giving their opinion in reference to your opinion. It's okay that they disagree as long as they aren't rude about it. Everything I read here is in support of you, not against you. I hope you know that and realize everyone was just showing they care.

Hello Jo
No I didn't mean you to think you were stupid. I'm glad Mae knows what is healthy too, because you worried me earlier...
Not to say I'm still not worried, like the others who care here - but it is great to hear you know you have a problem and are trying to get better. I hope the others will help you when they read my posts and hear what you said.
Take care of yourself

I didn't see the picture but I am very sure it would not have shocked me because I was part of the pro ana stuff on the net for the longest time.

I have DID, and complex PTSD and I did have an ED I am a healthy prob a tab over wheight at the moment, that doesnt mean my issues regarding food are gone, because its so hard to recover from an ED so many of us get better then relapse, I started when I was 13, I got better at 17 I have had one major relapse and one mine relapse.

When you see your body, you do not see what others see, your imagine is distored. My guess is you have lost weight if people are commenting and none of your clothes fit, and my guess is you are making some effort ethier consiously or sub consiously to hide that from your T, wearing baggy clothes etc. I used to wear 3 T shirts, to pairs of trousers etc etc.

It is such a difficult thing to get out once you are in the frame of mind where eating becomes so so difficult.

my thoughts are with you
love always
Jools