all because of a sick child that I rocked in my lap ...
One of my students who I've had in my class for nearly 3 years has been absent for the past couple of days. It has been pleasantly quiet and calm in my classroom because of this. He is always hyper, and loud, and needs a lot of attention and reminders to stay in his seat and stay focused. He has made so many improvements in the past couple of years that he's almost like a different boy than the one I first met. But still, a couple days' break has been sort of nice.
Today he came back-- awfully quiet. Turns out he had a high fever and needed to be sent back home. It took over an hour for his mom to show up to get him. So in the meantime, I sat with him in the nurse's office, waiting. He was so quiet and still. So hot, poor little guy. He's not even 6 years old yet. He curled up in my lap and let me rub his back, his hot little head tucked under my chin while I rocked him back and forth. He is such a good, sweet boy, and its so rare that he is ever quiet enough to ever just sit still with me. The last time was probably a whole ten minutes back at Christmastime. Since it took so long for his mom to show up, I took him back to my classroom to lay down while I did report cards on my computer. A few minutes later, he very quietly came to crawl back up in my lap. I told him, I wish I could take you home, kiddo. I wonder what goes through his mind when I say that. He needs a safe, caring home so badly. He needs a place with structure and someone who will tuck him in bed at night. I pray for him so much. I worry that he will end up like so many other people in his family, in trouble with the law or hanging out on the streets at night. He could become president, or a track star, if someone would just help me raise him the hours he's not in school. And pretty soon it will be time for me to say goodbye to him. Not just for the summer, but for real-- he won't be in my class next year. After 3 school years together, he's moving on to the kindergarten class. And I worry-- who will hold him then? Who will remind him to be the best he can be? Who will remind him not to play on the streets at night like his brothers and sisters? I love all these kids so much. But he is another one of the special ones. I wonder... is he going to be okay without me? What is my classroom going to be like without him? (Besides a little quieter.) Its not going to be the same. In the next few days I have to say goodbye to 5 of my students and send them on to another teacher. Its such a good thing to do, but its always so hard.
Caroline.

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