Pilgrim's Journey > September 2007 Archives
September 16, 2007
online support for DID/MPD at A Mind's Journey
It has been a while since I posted a reminder about our forum for dissociative disorders.
It is at: http://s3.invisionfree.com/A_Minds_Journey/index.php
In the past few months we have added new forums. There are places for littles, teens, adults,Internal self helpers, and others. We have support forums for the holidays, crises, therapy, people who love someone with a dissociative disorder, member journals, and much more. We also have a chat room. If you are someone who has problems with dissociation, please come join the board and get support from nearly 500 members who can listen and talk with you and offer support.
September 18, 2007
jo screws up once again
Someone's birthday is in a few days.
once again i did something wrong.
i thought i would make this person a cake. i haven't before. its always been Carolineine or Pilgrim or mae. since i am around more lately i thought i would be nice and do it. i'm trying more stuff, you know? to see what i can learn to do. since i can't fold t-shirt right even, maybe i can do something nice to make a cake. ha ha ha ha ha. My self-esteem is rock bottom, and I keep trying things, and I keep failing, and I wonder why I try anymore.
i made the mistake of asking what kind he wanted. he said something like "the kind i always have- the usual."
So... i've never been out front for one of this guy's birthdays, because i've never wanted cake or to be around a happy celebration. so i dont know, i really don't know, what kind of cake is "the usual". I can think of 3 different kinds of cake my friend likes. I made the mistake of asking. I think I was supposed to just know, because he took offense. He got mad at me because I didn't think it was important enough to remember his favorite kind of cake. So he told me, and was really disappointed that I didn't know.
I didn't know what to do. I wanted to still make his cake, because its important to me. I'm trying to learn to do things RIGHT for a change. So I can't do laundry right or fold shirts right or get the dishes right. God there's got to be something. I wanted to do something to make him happy. So I offered to go to the store. But he said he doesn't want any cake on his birthday now. He decided it's not important. I tried telling him it IS important. He said its not, and to forget it.
I dont know what to do. I think he doesn't like us... so if I tell him that its me, jo, and that i'm only 17 and I've never made him a cake before or been at one of his birthdays before, he might just think I'm stupid and think that Pilgrim is using DID as an excuse for not remembering. Because we're always forgetting stuff. And we're not allowed to use DID as an excuse. We have to just say "I'm sorry" and move on, and not try to tell a reason for what happened.
I feel so stupid and bad and foolish. I just wanted to do something nice and fun for him and make a cake for his birthday. Even when I try to do something good, I screw it up! What am I ever going to do with my life? What about when I get older? How am I ever going to have a job or do anything if I can't get the simplest things right as a teenager?
p.s. i hope this doesn't sound like a "oh poor me" post. i am so angry at myself that i want to bang my head into a wall. i want to do something RIGHT for a change and I am so sick of screwing things up.
September 22, 2007
What is it like to have multiple personalities?
Someone asked us this. Thought we'd post our response here.
As far as what DID is like....wow. Its sort of like,
being stuck in a cell with a lot of people at one
time, all trying to share the same place, some of them
you like and some of them you might hate, but being
told you all have to figure out a way to get along
because you're all stuck with each other. Everyone is
different ages, different personality types, at
different intelligence levels, with different senses
of humor, with different friends, and different
abilities. And you can all decide to do only one
activity at a time, so you've got to work together as
a team to figure out what you're going to do with
yourself-- the thing is, everyone in your cell has
very different ideas on what is fun and what is not
fun. Someone likes to read, someone likes to drive
fast, someone likes to paint, someone likes to chat on
IM, someone likes to do research, someone likes to
play Sims for all hours, etc. And for every one that
likes something, 1 or 2 or 5 other people think its a
stupid idea. But you're there together, so you HAVE to
figure out how to get along and how to make friends
with each other, because you're going to be together