My therapist abandoned me, even though she said she wouldn't ever do that
My therapist dumped me tonight. She wanted our husband there in case we freaked out. Even though she said she wouldn't ever do it, she did. Just like everyone else does. We can't trust anyone. Now her too. We can't contact her anymore. Never again. Everything is a complete wreck inside. The screaming is so bad. I'm ready to die. I'm ready to give up this second. My husband is sitting right by me to keep me safe.
The inside kids are screaming, running, banging on things, hurting so bad. There is complete chaos inside. Claire, who had started talking to Sharon just 2 months ago, has decided she will never talk again. Mae tried talking to Sharon. She asked her to please don't leave me. Sharon SAID something about this being really hard for her to do. Then why do it? Duh.
She said she wouldn't do this anymore. She said "I'm done." She said there is nothing we can do (gain weight, go inpatient,etc) to get us to be able to stay with her. She said she's been through her bag of tricks, there's nothing else she can do to help us.
Never mind that the things she was doing for the kids-listening to them-- was helping so much.
Everything was a big trick. All her words. About trust and learning about people and wisdom and working together and everything. It was all a big trick. Tomorrow, I'm going to throw out all my therapy books.
She gave a list of therapists. Legally she is supposed to I believe, that's the only reason she did it I'm sure. She'll go to ONE "transition" appointment with us. I think she's supposed to do that too.Along with the list was a 2 page list of all our transgressions and sins. She tried to end the letter with a "you have a lot of gifts" and how she wishes us the best.
You think that's what we'll remember?
Only now we realize what a fool we were. How foolish-- getting the kids to talk to her, trying to establish trust, trying to form a relationship with a grown up. We're idiots. It was a huge trick, and we were damn fools to fall for it.
We're trying to convince ourselves that Sharon is dead.
Just like Katie, and other people who have dumped us. They're all dead to us. Just like Sharon is now. It will maybe make it easier, because we can never see us again.
This was the worst case scenario I have been trying to avoid for years. And now it happened.
And I don't know what to do.
I foolishly trusted Sharon enough to think that she wouldn't ever do this to us.
We can't stop crying.
There's no point in trying anymore. We LIVED for those Thursday appointments. She was the only real-life support we had. And now its gone.
We figure that the only thing we can do is shove things back down inside, where they should have stayed in the 1st place.
Who cares. I don't anymore.
There's no point anymore.
I can't believe she did this. She said she wouldn't. We loved her. Now like everyone else, she left us.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
i'm sorry and like nl i wish there was more that i could do or say.
please don't give up on all grown ups because of what one person did. although it was, in my opinion, very unprofessional what your T has done, she has admitted that she is over her head and does not have the education or the skills that are needed to take you further in your therapy and your healing. that couldn't have been easy for her to admit and i'm sure that it was not a decision she made lightly. at least i hope it wasn't.
this is your opportunity to begin a new phase of healing. to start the process of finding someone who can take your therapy to the next level. and to build new relationships.
as we go through life some people will disappoint us, will even hurt us. but those people do not represent every one out there. you know that this is true. there are people, and therapists, that want to help and care for their fellow humans including you!
i honestly believe that despite all the bad in the world there are good, honest people in this world. (remember the person at the airport over the holidays) good, honest, angels that just want to help because it feels good to do that.
please don't give up.
You poor lovey (English term of caring)! Your therapist has betrayed your trust and I guess you'll never know the reasons why - she felt out of her depth or she lacked the skills or other issues in her life made her no longer able to commit to you. Whatever it was, hold on to your powerful feelings from any good times you shared with her - or just ANY good times at the moment - you can get through this with your own inner resources. I wouldn't rush into further therapy at this point, give yourself a break.
Hi Pilgrim. I just came to your blog through the blog of one of my friends.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know firsthand how agonizing this kind of abandonment can be. It's such a betrayal. Please don't give up. You aren't the failure here. Maybe this is all meant to bring something/someone better/more helpful into your life.
Peace.
You've been trying so hard for so long, all of you. I can't imagine what else you're supposed to do.
I'm so angry that this happened to you, and so sad.
Don't give up. It wasn't all for nothing, and the hard work you've done isn't undone because your T has done this.
Hold on. Please hold on.
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Hi!
I too deal with abandonnment issues.
I know it's hard to find a good T but someday you'll find one that won't leave.
Just hang on. Think that you are so amazing that a lot of stranger from around the world thinks about you and want you to feel better.
P.S. Sorry if my english is bad
I'm sorry. I can't do more than say that. You're in my prayers tonight.