All these people but so alone.
I live in a big city in the USA. To protect my privacy, I won't say where. But all the time, I'm surrounded by people. My school has a lot of kids in it. There's a lot of people on the staff. There are thousands of cars on the road. There are hundreds of thousands of people in the city I live in.
But my phone doesn't ring. I reach out all the time, but its always me calling other people. Got cool ringtones, but I don't hear them. I call people all the time. Text all the time. But they're all people that are far away. Not in my city or even in my state.
It feels like I'm surrounded by people but no one knows me.
This new therapist of mine, I doubt she will ever know me. If I even stick with her, which I don't know. We don't like her, and the kids hate her. They'll never talk to her, I'm sure. They won't even be in the same room. We won't ever discuss anything deep or private with her like we did with Sharon. The people at work are only acquaintances. And trust is gone. We're just too afraid to trust anyone. Its just not going to happen (*please save the lectures on trust, and God; I've heard everything already, thanks*) We only trust ourselves now.
Its funny how you can be surrounded by people all day long but feel like your a million miles away and feel like no one knows you at all. There was 1 person who knew us, and she left. We weren't good enough, or were too stupid, or too screwed up, or just too wrong, or too EVERYTHING, and she left.
Maybe everyone in this world is alone. Maybe everyone in the world is hopeless and has no one. If so, then what's the point in trying to go on?
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
i feel alone in a big american city too. maybe we can be alone together, even if we are not in the same city. ((((hugs)))))
i wish i could understand what you are going through. i strive to be alone. i'm in constant contact with people in my job and so the moment i am home my phone turned off and if i made it through the door, it's not likely you'd get me out of the house. once i'm home, most of my contact with people is through email or instant messenger. the difference is that it's my choice.
have you ever thought of moving to a smaller town or community where neighbours are more apt to be social?