I miss my therapist so much/ leaving for IP
Right now I need to hear my old therapist's voice so much. I wish I could talk to her so bad. In the morning I'm leaving to go to the weeklong eating disorder workshop and I'm so scared. I'm shaking so hard right now. I'd give anything to hear my ex-therapist tell me me things are going to be okay, to be able to talk to her about how I'm feeling and what's going on like I used to. I wish I wasn't going now. I'm so scared and I wish I could back out. But I promised myself that I would go through with this and do it. And I know I need to go because my body is giving out on me from losing so much weight and not eating. I wish I could talk to Sharon so much. I'm so afraid and she used to be so encouraging. That's one of the things I miss the most. The inside kids are so afraid too. I don't know what its going to be like there. I know its "only 6 days" but I keep hearing about hard hard it's going to be. I wish I could have gotten more done today.I"m only 17 and I have to pretend to be an adult because people think I'm in my 30's and the people there aren't going to understand. My ex therapist understood that. I wish so much I could hear her say "things will be okay Jo." My heart hurts so bad. I wish she hadn't left us. I wish I hadn't screwed up so bad and lost her.
People keep saying that this program is going to be the hardest thing I'll ever do. But the past 5 weeks have been the hardest thing I've ever done, just trying to keep my head above water on my own.
I feel so alone. I am so scared. I hope this program goes ok. I hope that the people there will be nice. I hope I have good news when I get back next week.
God I wish she hadn't left me. I thought they were 1st supposed to "do no harm."
I'm sorry. I'm just an emotional wreck right now. I want to feel safe and I havent' felt safe in a long time.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
