Going on vacation
In a few days I'm going on vacation to visit my family. It really shouldn't be a big deal. I get to go see my sister, and she makes me laugh harder than anyone I know. We always have a good time. I should focus on that. I get very stressed about going to see my family. Between the stress in my family's houses, the different routine, the food, and all the comments they make, its always an interesting trip. Right now I am kind of down. Every year I have always had my therapist and nutritionist to help me get ready to go, help prepare me mentally. They've always been there to psyche me up, help me make a plan, or if nothing else then just give me pep talks. This is the 1st year I don't have them, and I'm really missing their support. Today I had a temporary and short meltdown about that. I miss them so much. I just miss them so much, and I want them back so bad. I feel like a big fat failure, if I could have just figured out somehow a way to make the DID go away, or to make myself get over the eating disorder faster, or just SOMETHING, ANYTHING, then I wouldn't have lost them. If I could have just tried harder. I hate that I don't have them anymore. I learned my lesson. I"m so mad at myself. I miss them so much. I can't blame them for anything. I wish so much I could have had another chance but they don't want to give me one and I don't blame them. But I just miss Sharon and my nutritionist so much. It hurts to not be wanted anymore, to have people choose to not be around me anymore. It hurts to not be wanted, to have people give up on me.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
