Pilgrim's Journey > September 2008 Archives
September 17, 2008
Hanging on to...not much
Maybe its just because I've been sick for a week, but today I was really emotional and very down which I haven't been for a while. I've worked so hard this year on being numb and only letting positive words and actions show. Today though, I was really having a hard time. I wish so much I could forgive Sharon and just move on, but truth is, what she did in January still hurts so freaking BAD. And I miss her so much. What she did was just plain WRONG. I want to forgive her so much. I pray about that so often, so I don't know why I am still unable to.
I don't want to talk about it, so please don't try offering any advice on that. I've heard a million things already.
Also, I am sick and tired of feeling fat and gross. I want to just lose about 15 pounds. I miss weighing really low weights.I was much more comfortable there.
I'm waiting and waiting for God to come through for me on some things I've been praying for for months. I've had dozens, even hundreds, of people praying. Not even on things for me, but for my classroom and the kids in my class. And instead of getting better, things appear to be getting worse. And I don't understand.
So I'm sick and worn out and its only September and I am just very tired, afraid, and desperately waiting for answers.
So... yah. I'm sick. Maybe thats why I'm in this mood.
God will come through for me. I know he will. Its just a matter of waiting some more.