I feel trapped
I feel so trapped. I want so much to not be teaching anymore, at least not in THIS class. I LOVE my new school and I love my principal, she is so nice. Of course, I don't trust anyone yet. But they all appear nice. I have all these kids and they are making me crazy. I don't want to be in a job where I get hurt every day by the kids, where I fear getting bit/hit/things thrown at me/pinched/ don't have the things I need. Its only September and I'm already so overwhelmed... I don't know how I'm going to make it through the rest of the year.
I keep praying and praying for answers. I need God to rescue me, to help me, to DO SOMETHING.
I'm so afraid and so down. I feel like screaming.
Maybe its just because I'm so sick... I don't know.
I've done EVERYTHING I can think of to stand up for myself, to fight for myself and my class. I wish so badly that there was someone else to do that for me JUST FOR ONCE. I'm SO tired. Every day I pray for strength and for help... but instead things keep getting harder. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.
I just keep feeling more out of place and more lonely.
Other people don't have to go to work every day where they know they will be physically injured.
My husband wants me to stay in teaching for the money of course (like it just pays so much, right?) I would be happy working in a bookstore.
But that doesn't pay the bills.
I wish it wasn't that way. I wish my safety and happiness was more important than money. I wish that we had enough money so that I didn't have to go to a job where I was afraid of being hurt just so the bills would get paid.
I keep praying for God to rescue me. To help me SOMEHOW. God I need rescuing so badly. I've done every single thing I can think of to help myself. I'm out of ideas and too exhausted at this point to try anything else.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
I was reading here actually searching for other blogs like my own, and I was surprised to see you are a teacher. I am so sorry you are having such a tough year. I am a teacher as well. Right now I only substitute teach. I have 4 children of my own. I am also in therapy for DID, so it's nice to be only subbing. I have taught for over 10 years. I wish I could help. What kind of class is it that you teach? I have taught only in elementary. I have taught Kindergarten, 2nd, and 3rd grades. I have also taught Special Education working with children that have an emotional/behavioral disorder. I did volunteer work in a psychoed center for two years working with children who are autistic. Really, you should have my email address now. Let me know if there is anything I can do. Teaching can be difficult, and I promise you I have had my years just like you mentioned.
~Secret Shadows