About Sharon (since lots of people still ask)

I get a lot of people e-mailing me and asking me whatever happened with Sharon, my therapist who dumped me a year and a half ago (January 2008). I am just going to briefly write about it here since its hard for me to answer all the e-mails.
Mostly I can only answer briefly because its still too hard for me to talk about. It just hurts too much. I'm not over it, but I feel like I have to pretend like I am because I don't have anyone to talk to. I do not have another therapist. I tried 8 other therapists after Sharon, and none of them worked out. One I was really hopeful about, but it tanked. Its okay though... I'm at work up to 12 hours a day anyway, and I don't have time for therapy, nor can I afford it right now.
You all are right, what Sharon did wasn't fair, right, or ethical. But of course, that's not what she thinks. So what can you do, right? All I can do is pray that God will speak to her heart.
I haven't heard from Sharon since April of 08 when she answered an e-mail of mine about a question I had about The Velveteen Rabbit. I sent her a birthday card last year.. I am determined to be kind and to remember her birthday. I can be nice to someone, even if someone isn't nice to me back.
I miss her SO much. Mae misses her so much. Mae still cries about her, but we try to keep it hidden, like in the bathroom or in the shower. We still have an awful lot of dreams about Sharon. Always trying to get her attention, always trying to get her to talk to us, but she ignores us, or she acts mean and walks away. Its hard. I wake up missing her. I miss her office. Mae misses sessions with her, playing with the toys and coloring with her.
Can't let myelf think about that. Too hard.
In the past 1 1/2 years I've worked very hard to shove all of that stuff down really deep inside so that I can just be numb. All that stuff that Sharon and I were talking about--the abuse, the DID, the eating disorder, everything-- it just got left hanging. There was no resolution to it. So Sharon didn't care.. but I got left holding everything. It was too much and I don't know what else to do with it. I've had a lot of people say I "shouldn't do that"-- but after 8 attempts at therapy, and Sharon not talking to me, I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. So, in order to go on with my lfe, I've shoved everything as deep as I can, so I can get up every day and keep on living.

And I just miss Sharon. I miss her so much. I pray for her. I hope she will become a CHristian, so I can at least see her in Heaven. I pray that some day she'll be the person I used to know, maybe talk to me again. Maybe some day if I e-mail her, she'll not ignore me but actually respond. There's so much to tell her. That I don't act like a crazy person anymore. That I don't suck the life out of people anymore. That I give to people, instead. That I have a ministry of helping people now. That I have God in my life and He is helping me. There's so much I want to tell her.

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