September 11, 2004

It was May 2002. I was recovering from a fourth relapse of typhoid (a water borne disease that I contracted in February 2002). I was increasingly frustrated with the relapse as it was only a month away from my joining a MBA program. I couldn't fathom what I was doing wrong, despite a strict diet control and medicine regimen.

In one year, I had become a shadow of my former self. From 115 pounds at 5''4, I had fallen to 88 pounds. I had no energy. I would sleep long hours...the smallest activity could tire me. I remember that period as a daze.

People who have been to Bombay would know that it has three climates- hot, hotter, and hottest. I attributed my perennial colds to the hot and humid weather of Bombay. I had low-grade fevers on and off for weeks. For the last couple of months I had needed blankets to help me survive the night chills.

When I look back, I realize that all the signs of tuberculosis were present. My family doctor suspected malaria and got tests done. But they came back negative. My complexion turned into a sickly patchy hue. I had dark circles under my eyes and always looked and felt tired. I had gone from having a full figure to a curveless anorexic flat look. Ironically enough, this was the only time in my life when I didn’t have to search a lot during shopping, because the smallest sizes seemed to fit without problems. People would ask me if I had been ill or was recovering from an illness.

In the middle of May 2002, I suddenly started feeling a stiffness in my neck. I thought it, to be a muscle pull caused by a wrong sleeping posture. Despite balms and painkillers the soreness did not recede. My mother noticed a distinct swelling above my collarbone, and got worried. We consulted a doctor, who couldn’t diagnose anything and prescribed some vitamin tablets.

My family was not convinced and so i went to see a reputed specialist. After nearly a hour of waiting, we were ushered in. The doctor enquired about my medical history, looked at my chest X-ray and examined the swelling. He said, " Well, it looks like you have tuberculosis. It seems to have affected the lymph nodes. Please come for a biopsy tomorrow."

Why me????

I had gone into shock. How could I get TB? I never knew anyone with TB. How did I contract it? I had always carried a mental stereotype of TB as the disease that affected people who were economically weak and stayed in dirty and crowded places like slums. I was wrong.

I came back home in tears and broke the news to my dad and sister. Nothing they said could stop my tears. My parents and sister started crying as well. I told my Dad, " Papa, I can’t do the MBA. I don’t want any part of it. I am sick and tired. I don’t want to go."

I cried myself to sleep. I have been a deeply religious person and often talk to God before I sleep. That night I had no words for him . All I said was, "Thank you for this curse. When I need my strength the most, you have taken it away."

Posted by Sonali at 10:28 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)