August 17, 2004

Hey, there is something wrong...I am not in agony!?"

Okay, I have bombarded you in my last two posts with descriptions of what my back pain feels like and the aftermath when it "goes out". Now, allow me to tell you the other side of the story, one that in the past year and a half has been more rare than the proverbial hen's teeth.

Over the past month or so I have been slowly recovering from a major spinal outage, (yeah, I know that isn't a real term but it is the only one that fits....Having my "back go out" sounds like it went night clubbing for the evening. Like that old joke: "I am at the age when my back goes out more than I do.")

Anyway, because my wife and I are preparing our home for sale in anticipation of a move, there are endless chores to do to get things ready. Many of these chores involve lifting heavy objects, bending countless times and twisting and turning. As I have explained previously, my wife is a sufferer off fibromyalgia and I will NOT place any further stress on her by asking her to do things I know she should not be doing. Since hiring anyone to do the work is a financial impossibility then it falls to me to do the bulk of the lifting and tugging chores and I was strongly determined to do them (my wife calls it pig-headed but tomato-toe mott toe).

I did, hope, resolve to do the chores slowly, but-by-bit, limiting my activities to just a few hours per day. At the end of each day, my back muscles are in spasm and I end up sleeping between the fuzzy hands of muscle relaxers and "The Recliner". This pattern continued for two weeks and my care seems to be preventing the back from getting any worse.

Now, I have to digress a bit so bear with me. Back when I was working in the corporate world and had a thing that I like to call "Medical Insurance", I would often go to my friendly neighborhood chiropractor for an adjustment. Sometimes these adjustments worked, sometimes they didn't but over the years I began to notice a specific "adjustment" that seemed to work best of any they tried. I am an observer, as a former newspaper reporter, that is what I was trained to do so I observed. I watched how the chiropractor positioned my body and where he pushed to make my back go "POP" and miraculously stop spasms for a while.

After leaving the corporate world and medical coverage behind, I had no choice but try to handle my back problem without the assistance of qualified and trained medical personnel. Right about now, I can imagine doctors and chiropractors across this country putting aside their own differences of opinion on back care to discuss lynching me or, at the very least waiting for me to paralyze myself so they can use me as an example of what not to do. Nevertheless, sometimes you do what you have to do to get by, and so I did. The wonderful thing was, it worked, at least on most occasions. My efforts would often be rewarded by that satisfying popping sound, followed a few hours later by a cessation of the muscle spasms.

Before you ask, NO I will NOT tell you what I do to make this happen. It is a dangerous and stupid thing to do and I will not be responsible for one of you out there causing great physical harm to yourself. I urge you to see your physician or chiropractor and allow them to put all those years of training to work....They have luxury cars to pay for you know!

Anyhow, to make a long story even longer, the self pretzelization stopped working about a year and a half ago. My efforts after that point always ended in the same yelp of pain and cursing under my breath. However, as I have said, I am the determined sort (never mind what my wife calls it) so I kept trying, time after time, failure after failure. That is, until last night.

After another tiring day, hot shower and muscle relaxers I decided to try again so, I assumed the position (no I will NOT describe it!) and applied the pressure as I had many times in past.

You have heard of the agony of defeat? Well this was the agony of success as well as the agony of the back, it popped! Unfortunately, it was followed not by the gradual cessation of muscle spasms as it had in the past but rather by a jolt of electricity down both of my legs and some of the worse back spasms I have experienced in quite some time. As my wife helped me take another muscle relaxer (still under prescription guidelines) and helped me to the comfort of my recliner, I figured uh-oh, now you have done it! You have REALLY broken something they can't patch!

When I awoke the next morning, I moved with much trepidation out of my recliner. I discovered that, for a change, I was not in agony. As a matter of fact, I felt pretty good. For the first time in a year and a half I could walk almost comfortably. I was elated.

But I know, like a someone in a horror story walking through stormy woods at night, that I have to watch my step. Out there in the darkness is another demon back attack waiting to pounce on me. So, I lift with my legs, try to keep from twisting to either side and rest the moment my back muscles begin to give me warning. I know that this is an all too brief (however wonderful and welcome) respite but I am determined to make the most of it. I will keep you posted.

Posted by Orion on August 17, 2004 07:15 PM