Health Diaries > Colon Cancer > Llama Farming with Colon Cancer
April 10, 2008
Another Cat Scan
We've been at this "adventure" now for some 33 months. I lost track of how many cat scans I've had, but this was either 13 or 14. I always get concerned when scan time comes. Think the worst and hope for the best. I was really worried with this scan. I haven't felt good for several weeks and lost weight which has held stable for now. I just had a bad feeling. Here's the story. Cindi, the NP, came in the room and asked if I had seen the scan. I said no and just answer one question, what was the measurement of the largest liver spot. She said 5.5x5.3. I'm very careful with my language, but my reaction was to say sh**. When we started this mess it was only 4.2 x 3.4. This spot has the diameter of a tennis ball!!!! Of course, when the doctor came in he was not smiling and said we need to start chemotherapy right away. Asked what, he again said we would try the same "recipe" of chemicals as before. Since I have been off of them for 2 1/2 years they should work again and after a scan in 2 or 3 months if they're not working he would try something else. I asked if I had to have the 5RU and carry the damn bag for 2 days. The answer was yes, you'll have the "damn" bag for 2 days. Don't think he liked my damn. I asked to start with a lower dose so I wouldn't get sick and he just smiled going out the door and said it was up to Cindi to keep me well. That's the bad news. We start in 2 weeks. I hate having to do this during the summer, so much that needs to be done. At least the cold sensitive drug shouldn't be problem, except my iced tea. I guess the death door has opened a bit further. Too bad my home support is zero. I wish you all continued good health.
Posted by Robert on April 10, 2008 12:52 AM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl
Hi Robert -
I just starting reading several of your posts today and they have truly touched me beyond words. I am feeling your pain through your words and am sure there are lots of people who feel very much like you. You must be one strong person to be able to handle all of this pain and suffering largely by yourself. I don't know you but I defintely care and wish I could send you a "miracle" that would have all of this behind you, so that you could live a normal, full and happy life.
There are really two reasons why I began reading your posts today.
1. I have an uncle who was given 2 months to live in December with Stage 4 Pancreas/Lung Cancer and is now in Remission. The doctor (and our family) feels it was a miracle based largely upon his positive attitude, support and prayer. I personally feel all of the above is definitely true and that it just wasn't his time yet (thankfully). I wanted to share his story with you because miracles do happen, I've seen it. Your death and freedom door analogy REALLY touched me. I think we all have and feel this at some point in our life. It's scary (and sad) to think of the death door opening more and more... I wish with all my heart that the freedom door would slam open for you and let the light shine! 2. The main reason I read your post today is: I have a co-worker, who has a special place in my heart, with a mom who has recently undergone 3 of 8 chemo treatments for cancer. But since she has been so ill and weak and lost 30 pounds they had to stop it this week. I don't know her personally but through reading some of your posts I feel as though I can sort of understand some of her pain/suffering/fears and things she may be going through. I'm also trying to understand what my friend is feeling and going through. He is very close to his mom and hates to see her suffer. I think it is tearing him apart and I hate to see him suffer too (or anyone for that matter - that's why I decided to post my heart felt comment to you). Life can be cruel sometimes and we don't always understand it and probably aren't meant too. But I guess it makes us appreciate some of the little things that we might have overlooked. I feel for you.... I thank you for sharing your true feelings and describing what it is that you are going through. You've made a difference in my life. I unfortunately don't know much about all the different types of cancers/treatments/pain/suffering etc...but as a human with a heart and who cares.. I can't imagine how you have handled everything that you have over the past three years... You are a stong person and you are not alone!!! I CARE!