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April 20, 2005

Day 1 - Starting Anew

Well, here I am. I've done it. I'm one of those people that when I set my mind to do something, that's it. I do or die. After yesterday I've gotten into that mind pattern. I'm ready to do this. I'm excited. I've registered on the Atkins website so I keep a food journal on there, it helps me stay on track. I've also gotten some great recipies!

I'm excited people! This is going to be great!

Posted by Leah at 11:40 AM | Comments (0)

April 19, 2005

Depression coming on...

I hate it. You can feel it coming on like a dark cloud in one of those goofy cartoon drawings. You look over your head just a moment too late... and then that's it.. it's raining, and all you can do is just stand there.

I'm not sure what has put me into this depression. Perhaps it's the feeling of not being able to ever be good enough. Myabe it's because I suck as a homemaker. Maybe it's because I weigh 300+ pounds. Maybe it's just a chemical imbalance.

I know we all have those days. I guess it's "one of those days" for me. I need to start taking up responsibility in how I feel and WHY I feel the way I do. No one forced me up to 300+ pounds. No one made me eat all that food. No one MADE me depressed. I let myself become this way. At least I realize that. I suppose REALIZING it is the first step to doing something about it.

I'm in this weird place. I have a beautiful home that is only a few houses away from my parents. My parents are huge on all natural blah blah blah. They want me to do everything they tell me to do. Even now, as a married woman. I want their support, but at the same time I know they won't support me in my method of Weight Loss. It's so frustrating! This is what put me in depression last time. I yearn for support from my family, I know I can't get it, then I feel worthless because I can't be good enough. I know this is all in my mind. It's not my family, it's me. I'm ALLOWING them to influence me more than they realize. WELL, SCREW IT!

I'm my own freaking person. I decide how to live my life. I decide what I want to do and when. I decide how I want to lose weight. I choose what is right for me. This is MY LIFE, this is MY TIME... I'm done with it all. It's time for ME!

Posted by Leah at 10:04 AM | Comments (0)

April 07, 2005

Sorry it's been so long!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while! My laptop was sent of to HP because the power cable wouldn't stay in it's port. They did fix it, but by the time I got it back I decided to start using my old computer and let my husband pretty much HAVE my laptop. Either way, that is my reasons for not being online!

I will admit that I am not activily dieting, though I am watching my weight. I am staying at 325 for the past few weeks. I'm not sure my reasons for not dieting... I just haven't had the energy. Stupid excuse, I know... it's just been so busy as of late. I'm still trying to get my home in order. At present my home looks like a Federal Disaster Area.

The one thing I am going to try to do is start exercising daily. I'm going to get the Health Rider from my parents (I used to exercise on it when I initially lost a lot of weight) and use that. Today I am feeling quite motivated to start hanging things up... perhaps finish off my daughers bedroom.

Anyway, I'm off. Wish me luck!

Posted by Leah at 06:08 AM | Comments (1)